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The 10 Greatest Fictional Baseball Players of All Time

Its that time of year.

The games that matter are getting fewer and fewer as the Boys of Summer head into the fall.

 Add to that the impending return of HBO's brilliantly profane Eastbound and Down and me coaching my kids' baseball team and I've got the great American past time on the brain.

I'll be honest, Kenny Powers of Eastbound and Down was the original inspiration for this list.  As I was looking for a decent Season 2 picture the other day I got to thinking about where Kenny's place in the Fictional Baseball Hall of Fame.

Then I made a list.

Its how these things work.

PLAY BALL!

[MORE]

Posted in: Sports

Elvira's back (and front) are back!

Everyone's favorite horror hostess is back and coming to a television station near you this weekend.

Elvira's Movie Macabre returns to the small screen to bring you cheesy horror movies, bad puns and good old fashioned snark.

[MORE]

Posted in: Television

Friday LinkFrogging - 9/17/10

My birthday was last week.

One of my gifts was Chuck Klosterman's "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs."  We enjoy Mr. Klosterman's work here at GonzoGeek.  We've made no bones about it.  He's a kindred spirit.

What makes Mr. Klosterman's work so interesting is his ability to weave the most mundance threads from the pop culture landscape into the big observations about life.  In the essay "This is Emo," he starts with a discussion Generation X females love of Lloyd Dobler, not John Cusack,  into explaining why Coldplay sucks and finally hits on how all this ties into the differences between true and fake love.  Pretty heady stuff to be pulled from an Ione Skye movie.

Still, one of my favorites is entitled "Sulking with Lisa Loeb on the Ice Planet Hoth."  In this one Mr. Klosterman examines the deeper meaning of the original Star Wars trilogy to Generation X.  This leads to discussion of how Reality Bites has similar themes.

What?

Trust me.  Find the essay.  Its worth a read.

All of this leads me to the introduction of this week's cheesecake.  Say hello to Winona Ryder.

In the aforementioned essay, Mr. Klosterman analogizes Ms. Ryder's character in Reality Bites to the original moody Jedi, Luke Skywalker

She pursued a path that was difficult and depressing, and she did so because it showed the slightest potential for transcendence.  Not coincidentally, this is also the Jedi's path.  Adventure?  Excitement?  The Jedi craves not these things.  However, he does crave something greater than the bloodless existence of his father.  Quite simply, Winona Ryder is Luke Skywalker, only with a better haircut and a killer rack.

That's good stuff kids.

Ever since she appeared as a band geek with a thing for Corey Haim in Lucas, Ms. Ryder has been part of our collective geek culture.  She dated Depp and Dave Pirner of Soul Asylum.  She was Tim Burton's original muse.  She was Jerry Lee Lewis' wife, Ripley's clone and Spock's mom.  Of course, no discussion of Ms. Ryder's place in the geek girl pantheon would be complete without a mention of her defining role as Veronica, the original gossip girl, in 1989's Heathers.  That movie set the template for all teen angst in media since.

Sure, she got pinched for shoplifting in 2001, but after Mr. Klosterman' examination, I prefer to think that Ms. Ryder was practicing her Jedi mind trick on the Saks sales clerk.

The Force is strong in that one.

On to the links.

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Posted in: Gonzo

The Expendables - The Review

When I was in eighth grade a new kid moved in and was quickly assimilated into our wandering band of geeks.  The new guy came to Louisiana from New Jersey.  He brought The Destroyer with him.

I was intrigued by the covers of his paperbacks showing cars, guns, women, ninjas and guys doing martial arts.  None of those were things eighth grade me was doing. 

I wanted to check out the books, or, at least, books like them.  So the next time we were at the department store I made my way to the long aisle containing the paperbacks.  They were all there:  best sellers, romance, and, down at the end, the "men's fiction."

It was there that I met Mack Bolan.

"The Executioner" became my companion.  I think I must have carried around one of those paperbacks with me for the next 3 or 4 years.  In that time I learned a lot about guns, the Mob and international terrorism.

What does any of this have to do with The Expendables?

Simple.

It was these books that paved the way for my entry into that sub-genre of movies known as the 80s action-adventure movie.  Mack Bolan got me to John McClane.  He got me to Red Heat, Commando, Cobra, Lethal Weapon, Predator and Wanted:  Dead or Alive.

And, as I was watching The Expendables, I couldn't help but think of Phoenix Force

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Posted in: Movies

Man-Thing - The Review

Whatever knows fear burns at the touch of the Man-Thing.

Believe it or not, there was a time when movies based on Marvel comics were a crap shoot.  Sure, they started out strong with the firstX-MenSpider-Man and the first two Blade movies.  But then, before a certain armored Avenger made his presence felt at the cineplex, things got bumpy.

Daredevil?  Not very good.

Hulk?  Ang Lee proved he had no idea how to make a comic book movie.

The Punisher?  Thomas Jane?  John Travolta?  Next.

Sure, they rebounded pretty well with X2 which I think still stands as one of their best, but it was followed by things like the firstFantastic Four movie and Elektra.

It was rough going at the House of (Movie) Ideas.

Enter Man-Thing.

What's a Man-Thing you might ask?  The simple answer is he's Marvel's answer to DC's Swamp Thing, although, I believe Man-Thing (let's call him Manny from here on out) predates Swamp Thing by a year or two.  You want the more complex answer?  Read this, then get back to me.

It looked like Marvel was scrapping the bottom of the barrel, almost literally, to bring the muck monster to the big screen.  Things didn't work out.  The movie was created as a direct to video release.  However, as superhero movies took off, the powers that be decided to schedule it for a Halloween release.  They wisely reconsidered and moved it back to the straight to video queue.

The movie was eventually picked up by SyFy (then Sci-Fi) as a "Sci-Fi Original" and has gained a bit of a cult following since then.

What does all this mean to you my dear reader(s)?

It means I stumbled across Man-Thing during last Saturday's vegetative monster movie marathon on SyFy and was finally able to record  and watch the damned thing.

[MORE]

Posted in: Television

Coming Soon...LAKE PLACID 3

I know what you're thinking.  I thought the same thing.

Wait, there was a Lake Placid 2?

Yes, kids, there was an now the second sequel to the 1999 cult classic about giant crocodiles terrorizing a small lakeside town is coming to home video. 

The bad news?  No Betty White.

Scheduled for release on October 26, Lake Placid 3 promises "graphic violence and full frontal nudity."

On second thought, maybe its a good thing that Betty White isn't in this one.

For a look at what's in store for you, check out the red band trailer after the jump.  NSFW!

[MORE]

Posted in: Movies

Every now and then I post images from the glacially slow 'Deck of Cards' project.  Here's the two latest: Trump that, Bitches! Who's up for a little Gim-Runny? And why has it been such a slow process? Because of me and how I am. I got to looking at the two cards side by side and realized that the queen was too busy. The design needed to be simpler. So...... And trump it I shall!

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Posted in: Gonzo

Dead, Jail, or Rock n' Roll!

I've been carrying on for a while now about all thing's Michael Monroe, ever since my March sighting of the new band melted my brain while at the same time instantly making order out of decades of personal history. I've been carrying on so much I'd even begun to wonder if maybe I wasn't crazy. Maybe I just saw exactly the right band at exactly the right place and time and it all came together.

But then the following evidence surfaced -- a high-on-the-bill, main stage appearance at SummerSonic 2010 Festival in Tokyo -- and suddenly I"m more sure than ever. If there is better rock n' roll band on the planet right now I'd like to know who they are.

Not hipper. Not younger. Not cooler. Not cuter. Better.

[MORE]

Posted in: Music

Friday LinkFrogging - 9/10/10

First things first, thanks, once again to Chris for filling in for me so ably on our weekly jaunt around the web.  Well done sir.  Well done!

Can you feel it?  Summer is fading and fall is in the air.

Football, of every kind, is back underway.

The Boys of Summer are heading into the home stretch and looking for the next Mr. October (or is it November now?).

The networks are blasting us with promos for new fall shows.

As we roll toward the holidays and the inevitable Black Friday that is to come, let's sit back and enjoy this week's cheesecake, shall we?

Say hello to Milla Jojovich star of today's new cinematic release, Resident Evil:  Afterlife.

Ms. Jojovich's geek cred is strong.  In addition to the Resident Evil franchise, she has starred in such other geek fare as The Fifth ElementUltravioletZoolander and the seminal 70s high school stoner flick, Dazed and Confused.

VH1 referred to her as "the reigning queen of kick-butt."  Hard to argue.

On to the links.

[MORE]

Posted in: Gonzo

UFC 118: Edgar vs. Penn II Predictions

The UFC hits Dana White's hometown for the first time Saturday night, boasting a stacked card featuring a poor man's version of Inoki vs. Ali as an aging boxer steps into the cage to meet an aging cagefighter. The boxing vs. MMA heat on this one (before, during and after) will be unbearable, but don't get caught up in hyperbole - no fight between two 40-year-old men will have that great an impact on the future of the sport. 

If you're looking for the future, then tune in for the pair of elite lightweight division fights featuring the four best 155ers the UFC has to offer. 

Bruce holds a one-fight lead on me through predicting three events (UFC 116, UFC 117 and Strikeforce: Houston), but who's counting? I AM COUNTING, DAMMIT.

[MORE]

Posted in: Sports
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