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Gonzogeek's Pigskin Picks: WEEK EIGHT

I DID IT!!!! IT HAPPENED!!!! I FOUND MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON!!! AND MY EXCLAMATION POINT BUTTON (BUT TO BE FAIR, THE EXCLAMATION POINT BUTTON IS REALLY THE “1” BUTTON WITH A SHIFT BAR THROWN IN THERE)!!!!!

After seven long weeks, I have produced……THE PERFECT WEEK! I successfully prognosticated every Pigskin Pick of the week. I was 13 for 13! I feel like the 72 Dolphins (but not the 2007 Patriots [those losers couldn't get the job done in the Super Bowl {Suck it, Brady!}])! And oh what a difference a week makes. Week six produced the worst average score for the website (around 5 points apiece), but week seven doubled that number! Bruce drug himself out of his two point hole with a 12 point performance (close, but no cigar! [Look, I know you hate the Cowboys, but really? The Panthers?]) With my Herculean performance (that’s right! I said Herculean! I don’t care if what I did required zero strength whatsoever. You pick all the games correct and you call your feat whatever you please!), I have jumped up to second place with 61 points. With sixty-two points, The Mayor of Parts Unknown holds a scant lead on me. Stephe has dropped down to third with 59.5 while Bruce put some distance between himself and Chris with a score of 56 to 51. I am loving that the picks seem to be staying competitive thus far, at least through the first half of the season (after week nine, watch it all fall apart as Aamir somehow wins the whole thing without ever being involved).

SPOTLIGHT GAME: SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS VS. ARIZONA CARDINALS

HUNTER: This is the 49ers third spotlight game, but for a team that went to the NFC Championship last year, it’s to be expected. The Cardinals, however, are making their second appearance in the first half of the season. (To be honest, that’s two more than I expected from them for the WHOLE season). The NFC West has been rather impressive thus far in the 2012 season,but last week, the Niners took care of the Seahawks to gain dominance of the division while the Cards are in the middle of a three game slide. This week’s game is Chutes and Ladders. The latter is for the 49ers. The former is for the Cardinals. PICK: 49ERS

BRUCE: The 49ers are still my pick as the best team in the NFC. They will continue to expose Arizona. PICK: 49ERS

STEPHE: PICK: 49ERS

CHRIS: Arizona are pretenders. Hopefully this will be the first step toward putting them away for good. Skelton should have a tough go of it against the SF D. Unless Larry Fitzgerald has the game of his season this should go the Niners’ way handily. PICK: 49ERS

MAYOR: Math proves that the Mascot Evaluation System (MES)remains the most accurate way of determining football winners, with a 93.7 percent success rate since the season began. (EDITOR'S NOTE: Parts Unknown math is not actual math. This also applies to 99.9 percent of the politcal-related memes and graphics you see on Facebook. And that IS actual math.)

This week, we've got the Cardinals and the 49ers going head to head. At first glance, it seems like a whitewash for the Niners. For one thing, those rugged prospectors have a huge size advantage. They also boast opposable thumbs. Another huge plus! Cardinals, however... have that one great intangible. Bird flu. The bird is the word! Koko B Ware defeats ... um... no wrestler ever had a prospector gimmick. Lonnie Mayne wrestled in San Francisco.Lonnie Mayne it is! PICK: CARDINALS by a feather.

REST OF THE PICKS

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS VS. MINNESOTA VIKINGS

HUNTER: VIKINGS

BRUCE: VIKINGS

STEPHE: VIKINGS

CHRIS: VIKINGS

MAYOR: VIKINGS by a lint-ball in this battle of navel warfare

CAROLINA PANTHERS VS. CHICAGO BEARS

HUNTER: BEARS

BRUCE: See Cam weep. Weep Cam weep. BEARS

STEPHE: BEARS

CHRIS: BEARS

MAYOR: BEARS by mauling

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS. CLEVELAND BROWNS

HUNTER: CHARGERS

BRUCE: CHARGERS

STEPHE: CHARGERS

CHRIS: CHARGERS

MAYOR: CHARGERS by frontal assault

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS. DETROIT LIONS

HUNTER: LIONS

BRUCE: SEAHAWKS

STEPHE: LIONS

CHRIS: LIONS

MAYOR: LIONS by devouring (mmmm, lunch)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS VS. GREEN BAY PACKERS

HUNTER: PACKERS

BRUCE: PACKERS

STEPHE: PACKERS

CHRIS: PACKERS

MAYOR: JAGUARS by clawing in an upset!

MIAMI DOLPHINS VS. NEW YORK JETS

HUNTER: DOLPHINS

BRUCE: DOLPHINS

STEPHE: DOLPHINS

CHRIS: DOLPHINS

MAYOR: JETS via after burners (mmmm, fried fish)

ATLANTA FALCONS VS. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

HUNTER: FALCONS

BRUCE: FALCONS

STEPHE: EAGLES

CHRIS: EAGLES

MAYOR: FALCONS by beakery (meep)

WASHINGTON REDSKINS VS. PITTSBURGH STEELERS

HUNTER: REDSKINS

BRUCE: STEELERS

STEPHE: REDSKINS

CHRIS: REDSKINS

MAYOR: REDSKINS by scalping (how gauche!)

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VS. ST. LOUIS RAMS

HUNTER: PATRIOTS

BRUCE: PATRIOTS

STEPHE: RAMS

CHRIS: PATRIOTS

MAYOR: PATRIOTS by declaration

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS VS. TENNESSEE TITANS

HUNTER: TITANS

BRUCE: TITANS

STEPHE: TITANS

CHRIS: TITANS

MAYOR: TITANS saddle up and ride

OAKLAND RAIDERS VS. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

HUNTER: RAIDERS

BRUCE: Someone has to win this game, right? Right? RIGHT? RAIDERS

STEPHE: Wow. Couldn't care less, can we have a scratch game where we don't have to pick? No. Okay. Kansas City only because it’s at home.CHIEFS

CHRIS: RAIDERS

MAYOR: RAIDERS by pillage

NEW YORK GIANTS VS. DALLAS COWBOYS

HUNTER: Remember that time that the Giants took a dump on the field in the first game of the season and everyone thought that “America’s Team” was back? Well, the topsy turvy 2012 NFL season rights itself this week.GIANTS

BRUCE: It’s fun to watch the Cowboys flail. GIANTS

STEPHE: Revenge! GIANTS

CHRIS: GIANTS

MAYOR: GIANTS by flattening

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS VS. DENVER BRONCOS

HUNTER: SAINTS

BRUCE: Sure, Peyton is playing, but the Saints found their groove before the break. Voodoo? Maybe. SAINTS

STEPHE: BRONCOS

CHRIS: SAINTS

MAYOR: BRONCOS by kick to the head (how very Catherine the Great of them)

Posted in: Sports
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