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Gonzogeek's Pigskin Picks: WEEK FOUR

REJOICE! After a week of even more replacement referee shenanigans(including a rather primetime-y gaffe [the Seahawks are now the first team in history to throw a game winning interception]), the NFL has resigned a contract with the REAL referees!!! And after a tumultuous week two that saw me only garner FOUR points, I’m back in the thick of things again after posting a second place performance of nine points last week. Of course, I’m still a nickel back (NO! Not the terrible terrible awful bad [ALL IN BALLS OUT!!!!!!!!!]) on The Mayor of Parts Unknown with his 29 points. Stephe dropped to second with 26.5. I’ve usurped Bruce on the bronze medal platform with 24.Bruce is one back at 23, and Chris is still very much alive with 20.

It has been a weird set of weeks in the National Football League. Perennial powerhouses like the Packers and Patriots (look at all that alliteration!) are sporting less than impressive records while former league laughingstocks like the Cardinals and Texans are among the only three undefeated teams in the league. Not only that, but my usually AFC centric mind has selected THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS of NFC Spotlight Games. That cannot stand! So after perusing the schedule for week four, I happened upon an interesting matchup.Perhaps not on the field, but rather off of it. The Tennessee Titans (my favorite team) are taking on the Houston Texans (Bruce’s favorite team). Let the insults and side betting BEGIN!!!

SPOTLIGHT GAME:TENNESSEE TITANS VS. HOUSTON TEXANS

HUNTER: Do you guys taste that? That tastes like sour grapes. Everyone in Houston is bitter because Bud Adams picked up his Oilers franchise and moved them to Tennessee (where admittedly…not a lot of oil). After a necessary name change, the Titans traveled to the Super Bowl on the back of the Music City Miracle (or as the play is officially called “Home Run Throwback”). Last week against the Detroit Lions, Tennessee busted out the Home Run Throwback on a punt return. The Titans became the first team in NFL HISTORY to score on six plays of 60 yards or more. They got the job done on offense,defense and special teams. They have showed glimpses of the team that has won70% of the games played against the Texans (including an 8 game winning streakfrom 05-08). Upset alert? Sound the alarm! PICK: TITANS

BRUCE: This is the true rivalry for the Texans. Without the Titans the Texans wouldn't even exist. Houstonians still carry a torch for the Oilers, but they have embraced the Texans' "Bulls on Parade"mentality. This one shouldn't even be close. PICK: TEXANS

STEPHE: PICK: TEXANS

CHRIS: F*ck me? Or no, Mr. Adams. F%CK YOU! And suck on this some while you’re at it. C’mon, gimme some of that Tennessee tonsil love. Jake Locker’s a promising your quarterback, and that’s about where your pros list ends. The cons are nearly innumerable. Your team is vastly outmatched and is gonna get beaten like the sons-of-obnoxious-carpet-baggers they are! PICK:TEXANS

MAYOR: I'm told that this week's featured game pits Hunter's favorite team against Bruce's favorite team. My favorite football team, the Parts Unknown Conquistadors, hung up the shoulder pads long ago. Too many personal fouls, you see. Using the MES system, the Titans would appear to have the size advantage. The Texans, however, have guns. Lots and lots of guns.Advantage Texans. Stan Hansen defeats Andre the Giant by count out! PICK: TEXANS

REST OF THE GAMES

CLEVELAND BROWNS VS.BALTIMORE RAVENS

HUNTER: RAVENS

BRUCE: RAVENS

STEPHE: RAVENS

CHRIS: RAVENS

MAYOR: RAVENS by three Nevermores

CAROLINA PANTHERS VS.ATLANTA FALCONS

HUNTER: FALCONS

BRUCE: FALCONS

STEPHE: FALCONS

CHRIS: FALCONS

MAYOR: FALCONS by clawing

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VS. BUFFALO BILLS

HUNTER: PATRIOTS

BRUCE: PATRIOTS

STEPHE: BILLS

CHRIS: BILLS

MAYOR: PATRIOTS by skirmish line

MINNESOTA VIKINGS VS.DETROIT LIONS

HUNTER: VIKINGS

BRUCE: LIONS

STEPHE: VIKINGS

CHRIS: LIONS

MAYOR: VIKINGS by berzerkery

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

HUNTER: CHIEFS

BRUCE: CHARGERS

STEPHE: CHIEFS

CHRIS: CHARGERS

MAYOR: CHARGERS by frontal assault

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERSVS. NEW YORK JETS

HUNTER: 49ERS

BRUCE: 49ERS

STEPHE: 49ERS

CHRIS: 49ERS

MAYOR: 49ERS by piloting (since the Jets lack opposable thumbs and what not)

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS.ST. LOUIS RAMS

HUNTER: SEAHAWKS

BRUCE: SEAHAWKS

STEPHE: SEAHAWKS

CHRIS: RAMS

MAYOR: RAMS by headbuttery

MIAMI DOLPHINS VS.ARIZONA CARDINALS

HUNTER: CARDINALS

BRUCE: CARDINALS

STEPHE: CARDINALS

CHRIS: DOLPHINS

MAYOR: DOLPHINS by a fin

OAKLAND RAIDERS VS.DENVER BRONCOS

HUNTER: BRONCOS

BRUCE: BRONCOS

STEPHE: BRONCOS

CHRIS: BRONCOS

MAYOR: RAIDERS by pillaging

CINNCINNATI BENGALS VS. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

HUNTER: BENGALS

BRUCE: BENGALS

STEPHE: JAGUARS

CHRIS: BENGALS

MAYOR: BENGALS win a catfight (CATFIIIIIGHT!)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTSVS. GREEN BAY PACKERS

HUNTER: I want to pick the Saints (I mean…they have to win eventually, right?) But after the Packers win on Monday Night….wait…that wasn’t a win? ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?! Oh…yeah. The Packers are gonna win in what should have been the game of the season thus far, but now sports only one win between them. PACKERS

BRUCE: The Saints seem intent on dropping the S this year.The Packers are coming off a nationally televised rape. The game is at Lambeau.The Saints aren't going to fare well. Not at all. PACKERS

STEPHE: PACKERS

CHRIS: PACKERS

MAYOR: SAINTS by holy intervention

WASHINGTON REDSKINSVS. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

HUNTER: Hey! Ya know who’s good? RG3!!! Ya know who isn’t very good? The rest of his team. Regardless, good players find ways to win.REDSKINS

BRUCE: Isn't it time for the Bucs to go back to the orange and white helmets of the 70s? Isn't that the retro thing to do? I'll pick them and hope they listen. BUCCANEERS

STEPHE: BUCCANEERS

CHRIS: REDSKINS

MAYOR: BUCCANEERS by arrrrrmed assault

NEW YORK GIANTS VS.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

HUNTER: GIANTS

BRUCE: GIANTS

STEPHE: GIANTS

CHRIS: GIANTS

MAYOR: GIANTS by squishing

CHICAGO BEARS VS.DALLAS COWBOYS

HUNTER: COWBOYS

BRUCE: BEARS

STEPHE: BEARS

CHRIS: COWBOYS

MAYOR: COWBOYS by two heehaws

Posted in: Sports
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