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Planet Comic-Con Souvenirs:  Captain's Log - Sexy!

I went to Planet Comic-Con with a simple plan.  Get some books signed, see if I can’t get a sketch or two, comb through the bins looking for odds and ends, and  maybe grab some new trades at a discount. 

My daughter went to with a more modest plan.  Get her face painted and a T-shirt.

To be seven again.

As soon as we hit the floor, she spotted the t-shirts.   But how could she not.   It was a twenty foot high tower of t-shirts in the middle of the convention floor.  Subtle. You’d have to be Matt Murdoch to miss them. 

If you’ve been to a comic-con lately, there’s a pretty good chance you already know about Stylin’ Online.  That giant tog ziggurat is their calling card.   They sell all kinds of superhero/sci-fi related merchandise, mostly t-shirts, and they get around.  I’ve seen them in other cities.  Trust me, you’ve probably seen them , too.

This year, in addition to the shirts, they brought something a little different:  bathrobes.   I was about ready to cave in to my daughter's demands to go home when I saw it.  Spiderman!  What a cool looking robe.  Red and blue cotton terry cloth, a giant spider embroidered on the back, and slimming in that one size fits all kind of a way.  So cool.  So geek.  So chic.  And there were others!  Superman and Batman.  Rocky and Bruce Lee.  Star Wars!   

I was just about to try on Spidey when it caught my eye.

‘HOLY CRAP!  Is that a Spock robe!’

‘Do you want to try it on?’

‘Maybe, do you have one in red ….WHOA!  Wait a minute.   Give me that one!  To the left!  I want the gold one!’

That’s right.  I wanted the Jim Kirk.

I slipped it on, tied it up and in my best Kevin Pollak/William Shatner/James Tiberius Kirk impression said, ‘Captain’s Log – Seductive.  Stardate – Naked Time.  SOLD!’

Understand that I had a gift card left over from Christmas and I had found a forgotten reimbursement check from work that morning.  I was shopping with found money and this was the Captain’s robe!  If Hugh Heffner had an asteroid populated by hot, sexy pleasure-bots (which I think is the plot of an actual episode), this is what Kirk would have worn when he beamed down to Planet Grotto!

They couldn’t put it in a bag fast enough

Flash forward to home.

My wife asked me what we bought at the con and since I was on a ‘show not tell’ high, I ran into the bathroom and threw it on.  I made a grand, halting entrance with an arched eyebrow, a touch of swagger (which would be a great name for a Kirk-inspired cologne), and offered to teach my wife all about our planet’s mating rituals.

'Does your world know what a kiss is?'

That got me an eyeroll.

The next five minutes of ‘C’mon baby, I wanna beam all up in that’, ‘Set phasers to sexy’, and ‘Scotty, I must have more lovin’!’ didn’t fare much better.  Even in the Kirk voice.  Maybe next time I should try it with less clothing on underneath.   Which, I pointed is out, would be the case when I wore the robe again.

‘You’re such a geek,’ she said.

‘Oh yeah, see this?‘  I replied pointing to the gold braids on my sleeve, ‘That’s Captain Geek, to you.

‘Now, c’mon over here, babe.  Let’s engage!’

Posted in: Gonzo
Geeks






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