I went to Planet Comic-Con with a simple plan. Get some books signed, see if I can’t get a sketch or two, comb through the bins looking for odds and ends, and maybe grab some new trades at a discount.
My daughter went to with a more modest plan. Get her face painted and a T-shirt.
To be seven again.
As soon as we hit the floor, she spotted the t-shirts. But how could she not. It was a twenty foot high tower of t-shirts in the middle of the convention floor. Subtle. You’d have to be Matt Murdoch to miss them.
If you’ve been to a comic-con lately, there’s a pretty good chance you already know about Stylin’ Online. That giant tog ziggurat is their calling card. They sell all kinds of superhero/sci-fi related merchandise, mostly t-shirts, and they get around. I’ve seen them in other cities. Trust me, you’ve probably seen them , too.
This year, in addition to the shirts, they brought something a little different: bathrobes. I was about ready to cave in to my daughter's demands to go home when I saw it. Spiderman! What a cool looking robe. Red and blue cotton terry cloth, a giant spider embroidered on the back, and slimming in that one size fits all kind of a way. So cool. So geek. So chic. And there were others! Superman and Batman. Rocky and Bruce Lee. Star Wars!
I was just about to try on Spidey when it caught my eye.
‘HOLY CRAP! Is that a Spock robe!’
‘Do you want to try it on?’
‘Maybe, do you have one in red ….WHOA! Wait a minute. Give me that one! To the left! I want the gold one!’
That’s right. I wanted the Jim Kirk.
I slipped it on, tied it up and in my best Kevin Pollak/William Shatner/James Tiberius Kirk impression said, ‘Captain’s Log – Seductive. Stardate – Naked Time. SOLD!’
Understand that I had a gift card left over from Christmas and I had found a forgotten reimbursement check from work that morning. I was shopping with found money and this was the Captain’s robe! If Hugh Heffner had an asteroid populated by hot, sexy pleasure-bots (which I think is the plot of an actual episode), this is what Kirk would have worn when he beamed down to Planet Grotto!
They couldn’t put it in a bag fast enough
Flash forward to home.
My wife asked me what we bought at the con and since I was on a ‘show not tell’ high, I ran into the bathroom and threw it on. I made a grand, halting entrance with an arched eyebrow, a touch of swagger (which would be a great name for a Kirk-inspired cologne), and offered to teach my wife all about our planet’s mating rituals.
'Does your world know what a kiss is?'
That got me an eyeroll.
The next five minutes of ‘C’mon baby, I wanna beam all up in that’, ‘Set phasers to sexy’, and ‘Scotty, I must have more lovin’!’ didn’t fare much better. Even in the Kirk voice. Maybe next time I should try it with less clothing on underneath. Which, I pointed is out, would be the case when I wore the robe again.
‘You’re such a geek,’ she said.
‘Oh yeah, see this?‘ I replied pointing to the gold braids on my sleeve, ‘That’s Captain Geek, to you.
‘Now, c’mon over here, babe. Let’s engage!’