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So you hijack a supertanker (Sirius Star) 450 miles offshore east Africa in a motorboat and actually succeed. It seems the problem quickly becomes: what the hell do you do with the thing? You probably don't have a place to put 2 million bbl of crude. Or dock a ship more than 1,000 ft long. But you have to monetize your actions somehow, or it turns into just an oversized prank.

You start off by demanding $25 million for the ship, cargo, and crew. Weeks turn into months, and your demand slips to $3 million. How are you actually going to get the cash though? Yes, that's right, you have it airlifted to you at the vessel (since stationed off the Somali coast) and dropped by parachute.

A light aircraft successfully made the drop onto the deck. The pirates divided their booty and disembarked on the vessels they'd initially used to make the heist. One of the boats carrying 8 pirates overturns while the pirates squabble as the weather turns bad. 5 drown. 3 make it to shore after swimming for hours.

But dozens of others and their share of the ransom evidently made it safely to shore. Now they just have to make sure not to get spotted driving around Mogadishu in a new Lambo, and everything should work out fine.

Epilogue: The crew and tanker are all safe. The crew maintains that the pirates treated them well. Ship owners Vela International Marine Ltd. are reported to have supplied the ransom payment.

Music in the background during writing: Kiss, 'War Machine'; the  Business Machines, 'Lovesick Blues'; Kiss, 'Rocket Ride'; Cheap Trick, 'Dream Police'; AC/DC, 'Rocking All The Way'; Rob Zombie, 'Dragula'; AC/DC, 'Ride On'.

Posted in: Gonzo, Lifestyle
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