Decided to wait a week or so before commenting on the Target Qui-Gon debacle and wow, what a debacle that was! Any time the weekend ends with a petition to take exclusives away from a retailer is a moment for some serious reflection. I mean, what would Jesus do? It was Easter weekend after all.
I’ve thought about it now for two weeks and here’s my take on this….
What the f**k is wrong with you people?
You do realize you share the blame for this, right?
Starting with my first point, what is wrong with you people? At the end (and the beginning) of the day, this is a cheap piece of plastic that has no magic powers other than it glows. I understand that it’s a collectible novelty item (I’m avoiding the word ‘toy’ so no one responds with ‘it says not a toy on the box’), and that it’s hard to find (if you completely ignore FB, IG, Reddit and Ebay), but still just a novelty. It doesn’t cure diseases or make you more attractive. Chances are your life was largely complete before it was announced. You’re not going to die without it. Probably.
But it sure is fun to act like you might. Which is why FB was pretty much unreadable most of the weekend. Just one long, unending bitch note of pettiness. This guy sucks, that guy sucks, Target sucks, Funko sucks. That’s more sucking than you’d find in a parking lot full of just paid day-laborers (I have a story about drinking with prostitutes on their night off that would explain this reference. The moral of that story: Tuesdays are good for making easy money.)
So, armed with an utter lack of perspective, you guys took to the internet and vented all your childish anger unto the world. I kind of hoped that many of you would hold your breath until you passed out. Some people said it was a misplaced sense of entitlement, I’ve always said it’s immaturity. Entitled starts a petition to rid Target of exclusives. Immaturity signs it. Neither party wins if they’re successful. Funko can still give exclusives to Walmart and Walgreens and we all know how well those two do with them. The nearest Walgreens to my house just closed, and Black and White Pete’s been out for weeks, but not here in the Midwest.
Maybe the petition should read ‘No more exclusives.’
I will concede that Target screwed the pooch here, both with the live release and the middle of the night online release (yeah, one in the morning is perfect timing for Nosferatu). After originally announcing that Qui-Gon would be available AFTER Easter…I mean Star Wars Celebration…Target gave in to collector demand and allowed it to go live Saturday. Read that last bit again, slowly. Target gave in to collector demand. That would be you people. The ones who relentlessly called individual stores. The ones who asked employees that didn’t work in the toy or electronics departments to go in the back and find the stock. The ones who found them in the store, then rang up regular pops and bought Qui-Jon’s instead. Yeah…that’s all on Target, isn’t it?
Anything else you might be responsible for? Changes to bulk buyer return policies? No more taking scales to the stores? Driving up the prices for new releases? Pissing off the owner of Funko for complaining about, I don’t know, everything.
Oh, here’s a good one…
Fugitive Toys used to offer up monthly themed F-box. It was mostly common items, but it was reasonably priced and well-received. Too well-received. It used to sell out in minutes. About three or four months in, ‘collectors’ who couldn’t get one started hate-spamming (bombarding someone with hate mail, I want credit for that phrase) Fugitive, including threats of violence against the employees and the store itself. If these collectors couldn’t have one, no one will. So Nelson capitulated to collector demand and tailored the F-Box to make everyone happy.
Wait…I said that wrong. Let me try that again.
So Nelson pulled the plug on the F-Box, proving to us why Funko collectors can’t have nice things.
All over a bunch of novelties (not toys)
Nice job, shitbags.