Long times, no seas!
I have been aways for many days now. The Gonzogeeks, I think mebbe they hates me. I think mebbe just the fat one. I calls him the Gordo-Geek, but not to his faces. I think mebbe he eats me.
I guess is times again for the Oscaring. The Gordo-Geek, he sends me the lists and says I has to picks who will be Oscared. All the Gonzogeeks are doing this he say. Liar. Is only me. So I says to them I cannots do this thingy they asks me. I am sitting Sheeba, mornings, day and night, for my lost hermanos, Georgia Steal and the Rushing Bear. Will I picks the Oscarings? No. Will I watch the Oscaring? No. I think mebbe instead I will have a menagerie of trees with Sheeba and her ‘miga to honors them.
It is what they woods have wanted.
The Gonzogeeks says that I has to do this for thems because they are too stupids and lazy and fats and dumb, which is mebbe what means ‘need content’.
So…on to the Advices! I means ‘Oscaring’!
Best Second Lady Star, Second Man Star:
I hears of places (‘Merica) wheres if you shows up, you wins a trophy. Is this nots the sames thingy? Pish…why not Oscar all the peoples? Best Supporting Supportings Star. Best Supporting, Supporting, Supportings Star. Best Mans Named ‘Toby’. If these peoples are so goods, why come they are nots the stars? Do theys the sexes? No. Do theys gets the moneys? No. The goodest lines? No. Most times, theys gets nothings, not even la gorda ‘miga for the mens.
No. No Oscaring for any of thems!
Hmmm. The Gordo-geek tell me I has to pick some peoples in all the choices, so fine. I think mebbe I will Oscar Viola Fences becauses the fat one has picks Nicole Cruisman. And I will I Oscar Jeff Lebowski for ‘Bridge over Hell’s Water’. He’s an achiever, ‘migo, and so prouds of him we alls are.
Most normals, I Oscar the womens I would most like to make the sex to. This year, I sees no reason to pick any other ways. So…Meryl Stips? Been theres, done hers. Natalie Coachman? She is alreadys being hammered by Thor and god gets MY second sloppies. Ruth Vegan…I would feeds her my meat. Isabella Humpmydink…of course she cans. But in the ends, I think mebbe I will Oscar Emma Stoned. The Spidey-mans killed her and her dads. I think mebbe she earns it.
If I ams Oscarings Emma Stoned because the Spidey-man kills her families, then no Oscaring for the the Spidey-mans, no matters how many mens he hawksawed to death. Mr. Fantastic has already the stretchy powers and sits on the iron throne of Meddling Earths so no Oscars for him. Ryan Gooseman drove me to boredoms in ‘The Drivings’. No Oscaring for him. While most normals, I like Fenced-in Washington…. I think mebbe I will Oscar Casey Damon for to make the siblings rival. HA! Take that Batty-man!
Most normals, I do not like to sees the movings I am Oscaring. I do nots like to be tainted (unless the womens firstly buy me dinner – HA!) I think mebbe they will Oscar ‘La Di La Land’ because it is a movings about dreams and dancing and pretty peoples. Hollywoods like that (and tainting). Also, all the other movings begins with an ‘H’ (sometimes it will be silent, like in (H)arrival or (H)lions). In Hollywoods, the Scatologists says that using an ‘H’ in the names of a movings is insulting to theys god, Ron Mother Hubbard, who created thems in his owns visages. These Scatologists in (H)ollywoods will very allows an Oscarings for the (H)lions or (H)manchester by the (H)sea . If no Oscaring for ‘La Di La Land,’ I think mebbe they will Oscar ‘(H)moonlighting’. I hears they like Bruce (H)willis.
There, my picks for the Oscarings. Mebbe I will be rights, mebbe I will be wrongs. Mebbe I won’t cares because I will be lost in the bushes of Sheeba - if you knows what I means (making the sex)
And for you ‘migos…cash me outside!