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Rey Swanko's Lucha Lounge: March 17, Dia de las Serpientes

Hola ‘Migos!

I have tolds you before that the Gonzogeeks, they are the liars, yes?  

Wells, they has done it to me agains!  The fats one, he say to me ‘Hey, Rey.  Do you want to write about the Academy Awards again this year?’ and I says ‘Yes’, because I loves the Oscaring and theys say ‘Great, come by the office and drop off your predictions’ and I says ‘Yes’ and theys say ‘Oh, and this is for you’ and I says ‘What is it?’ and theys say ‘Congratulations, you got Jury Duty’.

And then I hates them.

But I think mebee I am okays with this.  Because I not onlys give the advices, but I am a good jury also, too.  I looks into the eyes of the mans and I sees his souls.  I look into the eyes of a womens and I see her nakeds.  My justice is not so very blind.

Today, I will give my advices from the jury rig.  Advices, verdicts...they are the sames, no? I can do boths at the same times.  I think mebee if my cards are playing right, I will teaches that Judy Prudence in the corner abouts the penal code.  I would totally sequester that.  

Quick question ‘migos?  Is ‘rebuttal’ somethings the gaysexuals and dirty-girls do with the ‘subpoena’?

Ha! I think mebee the joker is on the other fools.

To the thuthly advices!  

‘Hey, Rey.  I just got some bad news. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship, and I just found out today that my boyfriend has died.  My family isn’t taking my grief seriously because we met on the internet but never in person.  My jerk brother doesn’t think he’s even real.  I’m really hurting and vulnerable and just want my family to support me right now.  What should I do? - Megan

You knows, Megan, it is very hard to losed someones you loves.  You should takes your family out to dinner and tells them how you feels.  I think mebee you should haves catfish.

I also think mebee these lawyer is not so very goods.  We are in the courtsroom and he asking me the questions.  No, I will not removes my mask.  No, I don’t know anybodys in the courtsroom.  No I am not knowing about your briefs.  


‘Hey there, Rey. My girlfriends are giving me a hard time about wanting to be a ‘side-chick’ and that I got no self-respect. What’s wrong with being took care of?’ - Kim

Oh no, there is nothing wrongs with beings ‘took care of’.  Why, the side chick is the oldest professions for the womens.  Back in the oldy times, these womens were paid for very much.  The Pharrells of Egypts, for examples, kept they’s side chicks in big fancy pyramids down by de-Nile.

Ay...yi...yi...yi...why is this mans still talkings about four deers.  I do not cares if this is for deers or for peoples. His persons is guilty!  Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

Also, he is looking like a frog.

‘Reycif.  I broke up with my girlfriend, like, two years ago and moved on.  So did she.  We recently connected again on social media and she says she’s miserable in her current situation and misses me.  My thing’s going good, but this ex, ooooh man.  Check out the pic.  Should I go for it? - Chester

Hmm. Your are askings me if it is okays to break ups a relationships for yous own little sidebar.  A true swankador woulds not do such a things.  I have heard today of a great judger names Salome.  One times, two womens comes to Salome and ask to cuts a baby in two.  Salome says no to this things, and says let the mothers cast the first stones.  One of the womens dances away.  

You must do the sames, ‘migo.  

Says to the womens you think mebee they shoulds have a ‘class action’. If one of the womens dances away.  She is not the ones for yous.

And for the photos...muchas gracias!

And now for una…

¡MANNY MIOS! Jury three...she is talkings again!  An answer for every questions! ¡Hey, motorlips….SHUTS UP!  Sabemos su vida entera alreadys!  Su esposa.  Su dos casas. Su titty bitty-pumps with the leche!  ENOUGHS!!  Do you think mebee when the frog-mans stop the four deers he will helps gag order the babblebrook?  

What is on trials here?  

My patience.  

‘Reymundo.  Tourney time again.  How are your brackets looking?  - Barry

A little droopies. I think mebee I need thems cross examined.  My objections, howevers, are always sustained.

Well, ‘migos, I have tolds you I am a very good judger and the frog-man, he agrees.  I am a jury!  No times for more advices, times only for testimony and evidences. The Braniff is wanting to takes my mask.  He can go to the hells.  Miss Jabberbox is a jury too also.  I could be aways for a long times.  I cannots tells you about my deliberates until the peoples all agrees with me, but I think mebee we are goings to give all the moneys to the plain ones.

Case dismissed, ‘Migos!  

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