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LOST Notes, 503: Jughead
This week:  It's starting to get easier to list who ISN'T an Other after Jughead.

Ellie: Are they from the future, too?
Sawyer:  You told her?

LOST, Season 5, Episode 3

I. The Truth(ish) About Faraday

A. Once again, Penny proves to be the ideal woman on the show, having little problem with her husband leaving her alone on the houseboat to go find the local doc (whom they apparently both meet for the first time), then she proceeds to go into labor for about 45 seconds after he arrives.  Then she’s pretty much fine sailing around the world to chase his crazy dreams (provided he pretends like he can ignore them first).  Plus she manages to approach every situation without needing to reintroduce the room to her own internal conflict.

B. It’s nice to see that the sudden appearance of his mysterious memory filled Desmond with such passion and urgency that he opted to SAIL to England.  Everyone on the Island must be saved, pending wind and shipping lanes!

C. The rosy sunglasses and matching scarf are an interesting choice if you’re trying to avoid notice by Charles Widmore, Des.  Unless your disguise is based on the premise that a lot of guys walk around Oxford dressed like foppish Bono wannabes.  In that case, you are a genius.

D. If Widmore is throwing the checks around behind Faraday’s work, couldn’t he afford a better security system for Daniel’s office than some tarps, a fumigation sticker and a wandering janitor?  How come a man rich and powerful enough to get passports flagged and passengers detained at an airport can’t get all the fancy time machines moved to a storage space?

E. Since Desmond’s taking his sweet time during this double secret mission to Oxford, would it have killed him to give that comatose girl’s sister a little primer on finding a Constant and snapping her out of the time-crazies?  He shouldn’t have to worry about coming off strange in front of her; the scarf took care of that.

F.  Widmore might be the most ill-secured rich-and-powerful dude on the planet.  Ben can just show up in his bedroom (although I have yet to see proof of Ben actually using doors to enter someone else's home, I think he just teleports/walks through walls), Sun can roll up on him on the streets of London and Desmond (who is most likely Public Enemy #2 on the CW list) can hijack him at an auction and now storm into his office without much reproach.  When he warns Des of bigger powers at work, does he mean people who can hire more agile security guards?  People who require appointments to be accosted?  People who understand the concept of locks?

II. Dr. Strangelocke, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Sudden Emphasis On Time Travel

A. It’s a wonder how many strapping young men are left amongst the beach castaways considering how many of them get blown up, shot and set on fire.  At this rate Bernard is going to be the last remaining male and the group will have to turn into some sort of Amazon-woman society (with ‘Nards doing all the cooking and cleaning).  Vincent the dog will survive them all.

B. If Miles reads the dead by walking over their graves, how many people has he heard from already on the Island that we don’t know about?  Half of the people have been buried right there on the beach.  How many times has he walked over Nikki and Paulo and wondered what the hell was going on before he and his crew arrived?

C. Daniel’s profession of love for Charlotte seems hasty, but apparently his definition of love is scrambling someone’s brain by jumping back and forth across the space-time continuum.  He was smitten with her from the second her nose started bleeding.  Or maybe he just wanted to get a little action before her head finally explodes, and figured he’d fib a little to speed the process along.  Also, as a budding Island romance, is there a more grating third wheel you can have than Miles?  Bernie The Dentist is the only one who could come close to that level.

D. Locke would stab any fool-ass motherfucker on the planet in the back with a knife, whether they had it coming or not.  But the safest place you can be on this whole damn Island is running away from John Locke when he has a gun in his hands. Just turn your back on him and he’ll have a little panic attack, flash back to his cop friend at the marijuana farm and let you go.  Now, if someone put a Crocodile Dundee blade in his hands, that sucker would have been lodged between Widmore’s shoulderblades in no time and suddenly life in the future is that much easier.

E. So Daniel recognizes Ellie, which might be short for Eloise, which was the name of his rat, which he probably got from someone else who was important in his life and who plays a big role in this episode.  Gravy.  Isn’t his presence along the timeline of her life (or Widmore’s life, or Richard Alpert’s life, for that matter) jacking up the ‘strings’, as he put it two episodes ago?  Wherever Ma Faraday is now (ie, Los Angeles), did she run there when she realized the fidgety kid she popped out looks an awful lot like the fidgety bomb tech from five decades ago?

F. So if you know that one soldier died from radiation poisoning and one Other has radiation burns, what further proof did you need that Jughead was leaking?  Did you need to get up and stare at the big-ass hole yourself.  Your brain is already a bit jacked and it’s been exposed to time-warps quite a bit in the past few hours, maybe you need to start being a little safer.  At least wear a helmet. 

G. Granted, he was working under time constraints, but Daniel’s haphazard instructions on how to bury and contain an h-bomb seem a bit reckless considering who he deals with.  Just throw some cement on it and put it underground?  Not like anyone else will come along and do some digging in the future (the future you’re both aware of and participatory in).  And not like putting radioactive material in the soil could still end up exposing people, possibly, oh, I dunno, lowering white blood cells in pregnant chicks?

H. Someone needs to clue the Oceanic Six into the secret of becoming rich as hell once you get off the Island.  Chuckie Widmore’s like Trump without the toupee after being a Cold War Island vet (apparently under the codename Jones, and apparently a douche from an early age).  Now Ben’s off and he’s rocking a whole underground operation to get everyone back.  At the very least he’s got a butcher shop and a church under his thumb, more than anyone else can boast (unless we count Hurley, and we don’t because he’s constantly incarcerated and Cheech is blowing his money).  Both of them have got the capital and the sway to be accused of burying a fake plane under the ocean.  It seems like that’s what Sun’s doing since she took over the family business: building wealth to pursue a maddening life goal.  Maybe they’re all trying to get back to the Island to avoid the new tax plans on higher incomes.

I. I guess Locke isn’t bound by the rules of time and space either, as he is able to change the future willy-nilly.  So Richard goes to see young Johnny to test his special powers, only to leave disappointed.  In context, Richard doesn’t look nearly as ethereal and all-knowing as he used to be – just because adult Locke showed you the compass doesn’t mean the young kid (who wouldn’t see that same compass until you gave it to him 50ish years later) would know what the hell you’re talking about.  I’d expect the guy who doesn’t age to have a little more wisdom about this stuff.  It looks like he doesn’t keep the job as vice president in the United States of Others because of his insight, but moreso because he saves on health insurance.  The guy’s got to have one hell of a 401k, though.

Posted in: Television
Tagged: abc, lost

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