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GonzoGeek vs. The Oscars 2016:  Best Picture

The Academy Awards are Sunday, so it's time for the (mostly) annual predictions from the revered GonzoGeek panel: Bruce, John, Hunter, Sarah, Rey Swanko, film critic Randall Yelverton, Keith Flippen, working actor/acting instructor at The Actors Place, and Bruce’s copy of WWE 2K13 for Xbox 360

Today: Best Picture

The Nominees: 

  • The Martian (+5000)
  • The Revenant (+200)
  • Room (+6600)
  • Spotlight (+135)
  • The Big Short (+135)
  • Bridge of Spies (+15000)
  • Brooklyn (+20000)
  • Mad Max:  Fury Road (+5000) 

Odds provided by Bovada (formerly Bodog) on 2/9/16

BRUCE - I saw and enjoyed The Martian and The Big Short.  I'll probably watch Spotlight and, maybe, Room, tonight.  Still, I have to vote with my geek heart on this one.  The simple fact that Mad Max:  Fury Road is nominated is a win for geek culture.  I still remember being bowled over by the late night commercials for Mad Max.  So, today I'm voting for the man called Max.  He probably won't win, but that's okay.  He'll survive to fight another day.  MAD MAX:  FURY ROAD

JOHN - I'd love to see Mad Max get the statue, but unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen. Instead, I'll pick the movie that depicts my industry of choice, Spotlight.

HUNTER - Aside from Mad Max, it’s the only movie on the list for Best Picture that had me captivated from beginning to end. I found myself laughing, gasping, and yes…cheering for the safety of Matt Damon’s character. The Academy often forgets that. It’s about escapism. It’s about being transported to another world and seeing fantastic things (when the story is good [I’m lookin' at you, Avatar {Unobtainium? Really?!}]). The Revenant will probably win, but The Martian is pretty much the same story…but in space….and hopeful. The Martian says that with hard work and determination, you can unite the ENTIRE WORLD! The Revenant says that with hard work and determination, literally everyone around you can die horrible deaths…..THE MARTIAN

SARAH - Mad Max:  Fury Road was by far the best for me personally. The graphic nature. The classic favorite made a new and better. It was ideal.

REY SWANKO - ‘Migos, did you knows that the Oscaring peoples can Oscar up to ten movings at the same times? Just gives them away like the candy-pezes. I think mebee that is what they are doings aqui. Just pickings the names out of the hatses. If Max, Full of Fury can be picks, then why nots the Star Wars: The New Hopes Remix?

Am I wrongs?

The Big Shorts is about people loosing they’s shirts. ‘Blah, blah, blah, money, blah, blah whiskey, blah, blah I’m drunked. Let’s fight!’ Oh no...your Oscaring was losted in the crash.

It is good to sees Ricky Rodriguez back with Spy Bridge! but I missed Antonia Bandolier, the one mens not called Chong, and Danny Truja. No Oscaring. And no Jayzee or Beyoncing in Brooklines, so no Oscaring again!

I did not follow closely the Rooms in the Spotlights of Mars. The peoples was workings in a shed trapped on Mars? Is that where the Hulks goed at the end of the Ultimate Avengers? And who was touchings the little boys with no strings? No. No Oscaring.

I think I am mebee left to Oscar Leonidas, but that can’ts be right? You knows...Leonidas is kills in beginnings of the Returnerer. In the Departings, he is killed in the ending. I like happy endings, so I will goes back in time and Oscar the Departings.

Adios ‘Migos!

RANDALL - The Revenant

KEITH - I’d give it to Mad Max.(Brooklyn second choice) It was artistically shot, epic in scope, went in an interesting narrative direction, story was more complex than expected… Going against it: it was a remake. Also, action films don’t generally win these awards unless they are about the military and “based on actual events.” This was good solid artistic entertainment that exceeded expectations in all of the right ways.

Revenant was a beautiful fever dream that I wanted out of… not to mention who swims in an icy river for an hour and then walks right onto the shore and into the woods without a hitch?

Spotlight was a good film but I feel like I’ve seen it before in Erin Brockovich and All The President’s Men.

Big Short is hobbled by Christian Bales lackluster fourth wall breaking.

The Martian - was more glib than necessary and what the fuck was that about putting Kristin Wiig in the thing?

Bridge of Spies - What’s not to love? Tom Hanks, Stephen Spielberg, great story… they’ll never give it the best picture nod.

Brooklyn - lovely little film, beautifully shot but the scope of it feels too small for the big award but this is my second choice.

Room - More likely to have won if it had ended when she was rescued…

WWE2K13 - Okay, so this one is a little different.  With eight nominees we don't have to eliminate anyone.  In fact, everyone gets a shot in a KING OF THE RING tournament.

The Martian - a man with a promising career is left for dead in the wastelands.  Keeps himself alive, cuts blistering promos and, ultimately, makes a comeback for the ages...STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

The Revenant - a man left for dead comes back to gain revenge...KANE

Room - indy darling makes the big show...DANIEL BRYAN

Spotlight - shining a damning light on a beloved institution...CM PUNK

The Big Short...look, they can't all be clever...THE BIG SHOW

Bridge of Spies - during complex life or death negotiations, its all about how you play the game...TRIPLE H

Brooklyn - a woman travels to another country looking for a better life...TENSAI

Mad Max:  Fury Road - the second Road Warrior...HAWK Next, we rank our combatants based on their odds.  Here's the first round pairings with your winners in bold...

THE BIG SHORT v. BROOKLYN

SPOTLIGHT v. BRIDGE OF SPIES

THE REVENANT v. ROOM

THE MARTIAN v. MAD MAX:  FURY ROAD

So  the first round of our tournament went pretty much as expected with only Brooklyn pulling the upset.  The second round looks like this with winners in bold...

BROOKLYN v. SPOTLIGHT

THE REVENANT v. THE MARTIAN

Brooklyn continues to shock taking down its second front runner.  The Revenant stays dead for good as The Martian stomps a mudhole in it on it's way to the finals.

BROOKLYN v. THE MARTIAN

The Martian approaches this one with more caution that you would expect given Brooklyn's performance so far in the tournament.  Turns out, that caution was merited as Brooklyn, smelling gold, comes out firing.

Maybe Mad Max and The Revenant took a lot out of The Martian or, perhaps, its just Brooklyn's night, but the plucky upstart goes right after the blockbuster from start to finish.

The Martian mounts some minor offense, but its all Brooklyn.

Midway through the match, Brooklyn goes to the outside and tears apart the announce table.  It looks like a waste of time as The Martian attacks on the outside and gains a momentary advantage, but once back in the ring Brooklyn battles on.  Moments later, Brooklyn tosses The Martian to the outside and places it on the table.  Then, to the amazement of everyone in the Kodak Theatre, Brooklyn climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off.  Brooklyn lands a flying elbow drop that sends The Martian crashing through the announce table.  Brooklyn pulls The Martian to its feet and blasts him with the green mist...or maybe Irish Whiskey...only Hunter Roberts knows for sure.  That is followed by a chop to the throat and a crossface.

The Martian manages to break the hold, but its only forestalling the inevitable.  The Martian staggers back into the ring, lands a few punches and even manages a piledriver, but the damage is done.

Brooklyn grabs The Martian by the throat and delivers a thunderous throat lift powerbomb to seal the victory and the Oscar.

BROOKLYN

And, because I've got some free time and am easily amused, we all thank you for playing along with us.

Posted in: Movies
Geeks






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