This week: Kate Austen, Babynapper in Eggtown.
A. Past, present
or future, Kate’s story is about as compelling as drying cement. What a
shock, she’s back in handcuffs! Who would have guessed?! And she ran
away from the Island! And now she’s a babynapper! So many harrowing
twists and turns that I never saw coming! There might have been a little
suspense for her story if I hadn’t watched the same things happen to Kate in
every single Kate-centric episode. Believe me, I wish I hadn’t seen every
other Kate-centric episode. They’re like Nickleback songs - you catch one
and you have a pretty good idea how all the others are going to go.
B. Future Jack is
Fack, Future Hurley is Futurley and Future Sayid is Fayid (which I guess makes
him Egyptian instead of Iraqi), but Future Kate can’t be Fate, because that’s
too beautiful of a summation to be wasted on her. I’d prefer FuKate, which
looks a little like FU, Kate, which is pretty much how I feel during most
C. I don’t quite
understand why the D.A. would push so hard on this case, especially after all of
the (presumed) Oceanic Six hubbub surrounding FuKate. There’s gotta be
some heavy public backlash for prosecuting the hero/survivor, so I don’t see
what makes them pursue the case so hard. Unless she had to watch hours
upon hours of Kate-centric television and formed an unhealthy personal
vendetta...in that case, I guess I could sympathize.
D. Hard to believe
that Claire would want anyone else raising her kid, much less Kate. First,
there’s the small detail of the psychic warning her of impending doom when Aaron
is raised by anyone who isn’t Claire. Then there’s the glowing track
record of Kate’s previous relationships. If the baby handover consisted of
anything less than Claire getting knocked out with a blackjack/sock full of
quarters, then color me confused.
E. Is she
hell-bent on going to jail? She tries to block Jack as a character
witness, denies the move to put her “kid” in the courtoom and plays it
unecessarily headstrong with ever possible escape she is offered. After a
lifetime of running away, what makes an 8x8 cell so appealing? Has she
turned into a wannabe martyr like Jack? Is she planning to get transferred
to the nuthouse with Futurley, cover her entire body with tattoos that include
blueprints of the facility and hatch a meticulous plan to bust both of them out
F. I know she
cleared it up later and probably caved in when her lawyer (thinking logically,
what a concept) stepped in, but the fact that she would initially rebuff her
mom’s painfully easy deal is mind-blowing. Give the woman an hour or so
with a kid who won’t remember her the next day anyway. It’s not like
they’ll be hitting up Disneyland with grandma on the oxygen tank. One
afternoon and you get spared life in prison.
G. I fail to see
the vilification of Kate’s mom anyway. Yeah, she tried to turn you in a
couple times. That’s almost as harsh of a betrayal as blowing up someone’s
spouse. Plus, you know that stepdad was kind of a loser, and the life
insurance settlement couldn’t have been that high. So mom’s probably got a
decent reason to be pissed. FuKate getting counter-pissed because mom is
pissed is pretty much the epitome of her idiotic insistence on being stubborn in
the face of better options. There’d better be a future flashback showing
that mom used to whip Kate with a belt and once killed her dog in front of her,
otherwise I fail to see the motivation there. Actually, there’d better NOT
be a future flashback, because the thought of another Kate-centric episode makes
me want to carve out my eyes with something dull and rusty.
H. The case really
falls apart when Mom doesn’t take the stand? How about the cop/husband
that she drugged and abandoned? Maybe the wife or family of the childhood
friend who died when Kate ran from the hospital? Something tells me that
when your entire case rests on a family member being cool with sending their kin
to jail for life, you haven’t done enough work. I guess I should watch
more Law & Order.
I. Does Fack know
that Aaron is his half-nephew? Is that why he doesn’t want to see him?
Or is there something wrong with the kid, or with Kate, that is keeping him from
checking in? Does he know that Kate raising the kid means bad things (on
SO many levels)? Or is it just his paralyzing fear of commitment making
things difficult again?
J. Do all the kids
age like crazy once they get off the Island? First Walt comes back looking
like he’s NBA-bound, and now Aaron, who looks fresh out of the womb in every
Island scene, seems to be about three good weeks away from getting his driver’s
permit. Seriously, that kid grew like Jack’s facial hair, it’s uncanny.
Shepard, The Lambs He’s Leading To Slaughter, And The Leftover Not-Quite Rescue
smart of Jack to continually use the phone to no avail when two of the people
who came to the Island with working knowledge of said phones are sitting around
watching him. Clearly the man is a master of modern technology, as
evidenced by his work on the Hatch computer...or with the radio
transmission...or with the walkie talkies. You’ve got a physicist running
scientific time-lapse field tests sitting next to you, and you can’t delegate
responsibility. How, exactly, did he give the impression that the Lostaway
society was a democracy?
B. Was Daniel
predicting the playing cards? When he said he was a physicist, did he make a
mental typo? Also, while Benry and the Others had a lot to do with it, you
can’t deny that the downfall of the Dharma Initiative was brought about partly
because of superfluous expenses like Dharma-branded playing cards.
mystery of the missing helicopter - a significantly underwhelming mystery when
Daniel has evidence of space-time discrepancies on and off the Island - could
have probably been avoided if they parked their freighter ANYWHERE along the
horizon line of the Island. Maybe the chopper was nearly out of gas
because you’re taking off from Zimbabwe.
People’s Republic Of Locke
A. I take issue
with Benry’s snide comment about Johnboy evolving, because it’s clear to
everyone that nothing has changed. This time he makes a nice meal and
delivers it to the man trapped in the room with a calm demeanor and a “I’m
totally in control” smirk, he deflects all the pointed jabs from his prisoner
and then has a COMPLETE MELTDOWN once the door is shut, still clearly in earshot
of the guy who was screwing with him. It’s the exact same damn thing he
did two seasons ago in the Hatch. Seriously, take a walk up the stairs
before you smash the plates - that would show progress. What’s the point
of facing Benry down with the Sad Clown face when you’re going to completely
blow your position of power seconds later?
B. It’s a shame we
had to wait this long to see Locke’s inner Martha Stewart come out. First
he brews iced tea, now he’s fixing Benry up a Grand Slam breakfast and planning
a Hawaiian Luau for his merry men. Throw in his hunting prowess, his
unabashed naiveté and his willingness to get talked or tricked into doing
virtually anything and he sounds like the perfect husband. It’s surprising
he isn’t more of a sex symbol...although I guess it would be more of a
“nonloving domestic tolerance” symbol. Plus he hasn’t grown facial hair in
90 days! Can you imagine how much money you save on razors? If it
wasn’t for Benry practically being his common-law wife at this point, he’d be a
hell of a steal, ladies.
C. I understand
that you’ve gotta keep Hurley happy and moving around, what with his
self-confidence issues and his former fellow outcast Chuckles drifting out to
sea somewhere, but I’m amazed at the number of important tasks that they leave
to him, knowing full well the results of his previous important tasks. He
likes food, couldn’t he help Locke cook dinner? Couldn’t Rousseau or Alex
or Karl or anyone else have been on lunch duty? It’s almost like Locke
WANTED everyone to know, as Sawyer aptly pointed out.
D. Don’t you think
that the question of “do you know who I am?” could have come up during the
extended walk from the helicopter to the barracks last episode? If you
waited to bait-and-switch with Charlotte, diss Sawyer, cross Locke, fool Hurley
and stage a prison break just so Sayid wouldn’t find out that you’re a wanted
fugitive, I’ve got some bad news: he probably already knows.
E. Whoever rigged
the Team Locke housing lottery to put Sawyer and Hurley together deserves a
bonus. This season needs at least five more episodes just so one of them
can focus entirely on the Island Odd Couple story of Hugo and James. Hugo
gets into hijinks (namely messing up whatever previous important task the others
had foolishly assigned him), James gets fed up, then the two hatch (pun!) some
foolish plan to make everything right again, only to have the plan fall apart
and their landlord, Mr. Locke, gets upset. And then he puts a grenade in
F. Totally crazy
that a guy who works as a ghostchaser would end up running an extortion scheme
for his own personal benefit. Tremendous work on that background check,
Diet Eko/Naomi/Other Folks.
G. Did neither
Miles nor Kate think about the fact that they left Benry UNTIED in an unlocked
room inside his own house? That’s why I think Kate will work out as a
mother - her intuitive sense of responsibility.
Locke needs to issue a decree about knocking before you enter the room.
Then again, he needs to learn to follow that rule himself. Just because
you spent the last two months living in tents and tarps doesn’t mean
civilization is completely abandoned. Doors don’t exist only to be slammed
when you have a hissy fit, John.