This week: Sayid prefers TIME Magazine to The Economist.
And My Perfectly Healthy And Completely Heterosexual Man-Crush
A. When does one
get good at golf after spending a lifetime in the Republican guard? Had
Sayid been logging a lot of hours at Hurley’s makeshift course that we didn’t
know about? If he taught himself how to play just to set this Italian
sucker up, you’d think he could have spared the effort. Take it from
Chuckles, Ana Lucia, Sawyer, Michael, Benry, Sawyer again, Benry again and
(almost) Jack: can the bullshit and just shoot ‘em.
B. Before we get
anywhere, I think it’s important to address the truly shocking development in
this episode, dealing with the flash-fowards: he has
hair now? Where does a hitman
find time to hit the spa? Did he and Desmond trade conditioning tips?
C. Thank God he
was only getting in with Elsa for work purposes; he could do better. Maybe
the new Ric Flair haircut is cramping his style with the ladies. I’m not
saying Shannon was any prize catch either, but at least she didn’t dress like
Anakin Skywalker’s mother.
D. Seriously, what
kind of economist has a personal shopper in a country they visit twice annually?
Is the global economy really doing that well? I’m paying $75 for a tank of
gas and I’m supposed to believe that this guy’s got a woman buying pants for him
in every country across Europe? Way to see through that airtight alibi,
E. Granted, I
don’t read the newspaper every day and my world knowledge is lacking, but I
would wager to guess that being one of a handful of “survivors” from an
internationally infamous plane crash would significantly deter one’s aspirations
to be a Jason-Bourne-style secret assassin. Is Sayid’s cover being upheld
by half the people in the world not knowing him as anything more than “the Arab
F. Is Benry’s new
list any relation to the list he had of the Lostaways? That is, did it
come from Jacob? Or is it just like a Benry Bucket List, all the lives he
wants to ruin before he dies? Since Elsa was wearing the same kind of
bracelet that Naomi had, does that mean that they (Benry and Sayid) are hunting
all the folks that used to be hunting Benry? Is Diet Eko on the list?
Is he the Economist? If so, now I understand the personal shopper thing;
he’s a lanky guy, it must be hard to find suits in the right size.
G. Why don’t
Elsa and her employer already know who Sayid works for? If there’s a list
of people dying, and those people pretty much have a common goal of some point,
shouldn’t it be fairly obvious who’s coming after them? Benry’s like a
passive-aggressive Rambo, the hunted becoming the hunter. Except with
H. Is there a
greater combination of two characters than Benry and Sayid as revenge killers?
Short of a buddy comedy with Sawyer and Hurley, or possibly a crime-fighting cop
show with Locke and Desmond, this has to be the absolute peak of two tremendous
characters working together. Then again, I would also enjoy a show with
Jack and Kate where they each get punched in the stomach for 60 minutes
straight. That could be a ratings bonanza.
I. Since Ben was
never on the plane, now that he’s off the Island, would he even be considered
part of the Oceanic Six, or is he just the local veterinarian who seems a little
too into the job? Working as a pet doctor in Berlin seems like a pretty
obscure and complicated cover. Does anyone besides Sayid even know that
he’s off the Island? Are they killing these folks so they stop looking for
the Island? If so, I think the 30 years or more of never being found were
a pretty good indicator of its inconspicuousness.
II. Jack &
The Straight Talk Express, Kate Doing Exactly What She Always Does, And the
Perpetually Confusing Rescue Rangers
A. The Ragin’
Asian seems to have been possessed by the spirit of Chuckles. H’s ot going
around screwing up other peoples’ plans YET, but he’s being a general nuisance
who likes to beat a point into the ground when no one wants to listen to him.
It’s only a matter of time before he shoots a critical character in the chest
from point-blank range.
B. Sayid, what was
the point of you checking out all the bells and whistles on the chopper last
week if you’re just going to ask Captain Ron if the thing flies? Did you
need a second opinion?
C. I like that
they brought Desmond in to shed some light on the rescuers’ mission, and by
“shed some light on the rescuers” I mean “shout the same questions that everyone
else has shouted, except with a cooler accent.”
conversation with Kate might have been a Top 5 Jack Moment (then again, with his
track record, it’s more like the Only 5 Jack Moments. First he deflects
Kate’s passive-aggressive “what it’s like to be me” emofit and then he gives her
straight talk about Sawyer watching her back. So he makes a funny joke,
speaks frankly and respects the benefit of Sawyer, all in about two minutes.
Um, did the writer actually watch the show before?
E. All of the
plain open fields around the helicopter, and Daniel tries to fire “the payload”
less than ten yards away? I can understand how he’s a little
scatterbrained and the consequences of sending a rocket hurtling towards your
location might not initially come to mind, but since Captain Ron’s
responsibility doesn’t seem to extend beyond “hold the phone,” “stay sober” and
“make sure the helicopter works”, you think he would be a little more mindful of
F. Last week, the
Ragin’ Asian tried to phone home and couldn’t get ahold of Minkowski. This
week, Captain Ron doesn’t want them talking to Minkowski. Does everyone
have their own agenda? Does George M. not know what they really plan to do
on the Island?
G. If the Island
is a half hour off from real time, are Desmond’s visions because his brain got
reset to real time?
H. How did no one
have to deal with the giant subsonic fence that surrounds the barracks? I
could see how Team Locke might have walked through it, but wouldn’t they have
turned it on after they got through, since it’s the only modicum of security the
Island has? Did we skip the part where Kate, Sayid and Miles climbed the
tree over the fence? And while we’re talking about security, why didn’t
anyone have any difficulty with Smokeface?
(Katers) would love this episode - both of the men in her perpetual love
triangle slapped her in the face with honesty.
J. It’s a true
testament to Sayid’s negotiating skills that he convinced Locke to trade demure,
constantly-flabbergasted Charlotte in favor of abrasive, constantly-jaw-flapping
Miles. It’s astonishing that he could pull that switch off without shoving
bamboo under Locke’s fingernails.
A. I’m totally
surprised that you couldn’t find Jacob’s cabin when you wanted to, John.
Really shocking that he might abandon you after you based all your actions on
what Ghost Puberty Walt told you. Come on, man, no kid makes smart
decisions at that age! Even a crazy old man living in a shack in the
middle of Fantasy Island knows that. The dude dropped you in favor of
Hurley, who is in between stints in a mental facility. That’s cold.
B. In terms of
Sayid falling for people he unwittingly trusts, Hurley’s double-cross has to be
worse than Elsa’s. For one thing, Sayid’s not getting ass from Hurley and
his mind shouldn’t be clouded. For another, you should be a lot more
skeptical about 300-pound Hurley being bound and gagged. Who tied him up,
Claire? Team Locke’s got about three people who could tie a knot, and none
of those three would want to tie up Hurley, because dammit, he’s Hurley.
Not the dude that gets thrown in a closet. You’re better than that,
dismissal of the Ragin’ Asian as a discount (made in China) version of Sawyer
was good, but not nearly as good as the promise of future confrontations between
he and the real thing.
D. If I were to be
the already-mysterious leader of the Island inhabitants, as Benry is, and I were
to have a supersecret room in my already supersecret house...I think I would use
it for more than just extra closet space. I don’t think your v-neck
sweater or your brown slacks need to be kept hidden away, unless you’re worried
about landing on the Who’s Hot/Who’s Not list in the latest Others Newsletter.
E. Who on Team
Locke brews iced tea? Was that part of the big plan that they set in
motion to trick Sayid? “Hurley, you hide in the closet. Sawyer, you keep
Kate occupied. I’ll start boiling some water.” You know what else
you give people when they’re thirsty? Water. That’s iced tea without
the tea, and with slightly less ice.