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Wrestlemania 29 Picks

A very special thing happened in the spring of 1986. A wondrous creation turned two. And over the course of the last 27 years, that creation has done nothing but provide amusement and joy to people young and old. It has captivated the attention of the world. Tens of thousands of people flock to see it every year and revel in its glory. I, of course, am talking about…myself(What? You thought I was talking about something else? [Ok fine! I was! Gah.{Why do you all ALWAYS have to ruin my dreams?! <Seriously, I have parents to do that.>}]).

No, I am speaking of WRESTLEMANIA! The annual showcase of the immortals. The grandest stage of them all. It’s a night when normal men become gods. Forever ingrained in history. Who could forget Wrestlemania III when Hulk Hogan body slammed the 500+ pound behemoth Andre the Giant in front of 93,173 fans in attendance at the Pontiac Silverdome (an indoor attendance record that stood for nearly 25 years)? Or at Wrestlemania XII when The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels realized his boyhood dream of becoming WWF Champion by outlasting Bret “The Hitman” Hart in a grueling 60-minute Iron Man match? Or one year later when Stone Cold Steve Austin, with blood pouring down his face, refused to submit to The Hitman’s Sharpshooter submission hold? Jeff Hardy plummeting off of a 20 foot ladder crashing through a table below. The Undertaker’s historic 20 consecutive wins. Ric Flair’s emotionally draining,heart-wrenching final match in the WWE at Wrestlemania XXIV. All of these moments (and many MANY more) are forever burned into the memories of wrestling fans the world over. What will happen this Sunday’s Wrestlemania 29 at Metlife Stadium? Who will create a moment that will live in eternity?

After winning the Gonzogeek Pig Skin Picks by one point, I rejoiced in my triumph. This upset one of my competitors in particular: The Mayor of Parts Unknown. He could not let this stand. There had to be a rematch. And this time, the esteemed elected official was allowed to pick the stipulation. Cage Match? No. Street Fight?! Afraid not. The Civil-Minded Assassin had only one thing on his mind to attempt to take me down and even the score. WRESTLEMANIA PICKS!



HUNTER: My, how the mighty have fallen. A mere two years ago, The Miz was the WWE Champion. He was main eventing Wrestlemania 27 inAtlanta, GA against John Cena. He even went on to pin Cena in the middle of the ring. Last year, he was relegated to a 12-man tag team match (which, admittedly,he did win for his team). This year? He’s on the preshow. (BECAUSE I’M THE MIZ! AND I’M MARGINALIZED!!!) He’s wrestling a man who had all the Nexus-related momentum (yeah. Remember them?) in the world, but now ALSO find himself in a dark match. But at least Barret is the IC champion. It’s a title he’s going to hold on to. PICK: BARRET retains. (I feel like this match will turn into a battle royale, though.)

MAYOR: If a title changes hands on the preshow of the Showcase of the Immortals, does anyone give a poop? WWE's secondary titles have been rendered more irrelevant than a Best Buy in Amish Country thanks to the holders of said titles jobbing endlessly. This title change would be completely pointless if it happened on the preshow. That'd be crazy. Crazy like a MCMAHON! PICK: THE MIZ


HUNTER: After a pretty good run as a tag team, Cody Rhodes and Damian Sandow decided to go their separate ways (Some day! Love will find you! Break those chains that bind you!). But two weeks later, they were back together. And this time, they have twins with them to fawn over their glorious facial hair. Then there’s Tons of Funk. The tag team of Tensai (or Sweet T as he’s being called now) and Brodus Clay. Does anyone remember when both of these guys were MONSTER heels? Now they dance. And damn do those kids love to watch dancin fat guys (Yea! I’m lookin at you, Rikishi). PICK: TONS OF FUNK

MAYOR: If I'm one of the hands who busts hump on a weekly basis for WWE (like Kofi Kingston), I'm probably not too happy that the Bellas waltz back into the promotion and immediately get a spot on the WrestleMania card. So goeth the perks when one is shtooping the cash cow. It's WrestleMania. People wanna see the fat fellas dance. And dance they shall. Dance. They.Shall. PICK: Brodus, Tensai & Funkadactyls


HUNTER: A lot of people feel like this whole Fandango story has been ruined, but I have to disagree. This tactic of making his entrances bigger and bigger each week and having him never wrestle has made the fans LIVID! They just desperately want to see him get beaten up. And if you can sella match without EVER having to do anything…why wouldn’t you? This is actually CLASSIC WCW Chris Jericho tactics. Remember his whole “fued” with Goldberg? The debuting dancer picks up a win on the grandest stage over the best in the world at what he does because….Jericho? No f*&ks given. PICK: FANDANGO

MAYOR: Wow, no pressure here for the former NXT winner. Have your first real WWE match at the biggest PPV of the year. No pressure, kid, no pressure. I'd enjoy this feud more if they played up Jericho's own dancing past. One can only hope a case of "dancer's hip" does not flare up.Somehow I see Jericho being willing to put over Fandango to try and create anew star. PICK: FANDANGO



HUNTER: It’s just nearly impossible to tell what’s going to happen with Kane and Daniel Bryan. They are more will they/won’t they than Dawson and Joey (Yes. I just made a Dawson’s Creek reference during a Wrestlemania article). Every time they seem like they are going to fall apart, they manage to stay together for two more months and then the cycle repeats. Eventually,that circle must be broken. I think it happens at Mania. Let Dolph Ziggler be a triple crown champion already (and I’m aware he was a tag champ during his time on The Spirit Squad, but I’m talking about DOLPH, not “Nicky”) Start loading this group up with gold. Tag titles, Divas championship and eventually World Heavyweight Championship. PICK: BIG E AND ZIGGY

MAYOR: Another huge pressure spot for Langston, who if I'm not mistaken has never wrestled on Raw or Smackdown. Which makes you wonder why they deserve a title shot, hmmm? I thought we were headed toward a Kane vs.Daniel Bryan match given the way their team was looking more dysfunctional than a Lockhorns comic. I don't think they'll split yet... YET... which means the champs retain. PICK: TEAM HELL NO



HUNTER: A year ago, Brock Lesnar debuted the night after Wrestlemania to deliver an F-5 to John Cena. Since that time, he’s wrestled twice. Broken Triple H’s arm. Shawn Michael’s arm. Vince McMahon’s hip. And he’s done all of these things without the ability to speak properly. (Seriously. He has the communication skills of a night stocker at WalMart) Now that Triple H’s arm is healed and his denim leather jacket has returned, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!He could even cut off all of his hair. Oh wait…Triple H will eventually lose a “career threatening” match, but it won’t be to Brock Lesnar. PICK: TRIPLE H

MAYOR: No Holds Barred rematch between these two, and if HHH loses, The Game retires from wrestling and goes to the board room permanently. WrestleMania used to be about paying off storylines, and this match has that feel. Lesnar's spent most of his time with the company putting others over, but after winning their match at Summerslam, it's right for HHH to get his revenge here. PICK: TRIPLE H


HUNTER: Can I just say that I was a pretty big fan of watching Ryback destroy people in the ring for his first few months? I liked that. And his Stan Hanson-esque “Meat Hook Clothesline” was a glory to behold.WAS is the key word in those sentences. Ya know who I’m STILL a fan of? Mark Henry. Since he started his most recent monster heel run back before 2011’s Money in the Bank PPV (which produced one of the best ever big man vs. big man matches I’ve ever seen in Mark Henry vs Big Show), he’s produced some of the best work of his career. But this match is to show that Ryback is supa supa strong! It’s similar to the Raw vs. Smackdown match from Wrestlemania 24 (you know the one…where “supa supa strong” Batista couldn’t Batista Bomb Umaga properly).Hopefully this time, Ryback doesn’t nearly kill someone when he attempts Shellshock on Mark Henry. PICK: RYBACK

MAYOR: Man oh man, I'm excited to see this match. I don't think there's any doubt that Ryback gets to the "pay winda", as Dusty Rhodes would say. But, can he get Henry up for his finisher? This match should be like Hobbes' view of life. Nasty, brutish and short. PICK: RYBACK


HUNTER: I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD! I doubted them a month ago at Elimination Chamber. And I paid for my insolence.Rollins, Ambrose and Reigns are the future of the WWE. And the WWE is backing them. Since their first match at TLC in December, they’ve notched wins against six former world champions…and Ryback. After Mania, it’ll be eight former world champions…and Ryback. Look for Randy to RKO Sheamus after and errant Broque kick to end this aborted attempt at a face run for Randy (Face turn? Really?This is a guy that said he’d RKO his own grandmother to be champion…and that was when he was a GOOD GUY! If you’re gonna be a face, at least change how you do things.) Hopefully, at some point in this match, Randy will actually go for a pin since he didn’t cover Kane EVEN ONCE last year at Wrestlemania. NOT EVEN ONCE! Oh yes. Randy is SOOOOOOO “psychological”. No. PICK: THE SHIELD

MAYOR: I can't remember the last time I saw WWE push newcomers as strongly as they do The Shield. Rollins, Ambrose and Reigns have been given an opportunity, and they're making the most of it. At this point,it's believable that they'd have the upper hand in any 3-on-1 or 3-on-2 situation... and even some 3-on-3 scenarios. I think The Shield should come outwith a win. And, I wouldn't be surprised if it happens because of an Orton heel turn. Maybe not because he joins The Shield (he shouldn't), but just walks out because of his dysfunctional relationship with the other two. PICK: THE SHIELD


HUNTER: I haven’t picked against CM Punk  since he won the WWE Championship at 2011’s Survivor Series. Put Punk in the ring with anyone and it’s still believable that he wins. Even the Undertaker. It’s because CM Punk is on a different level right now. From his promo work with The Rock to his willingness to “go there”with the current Paul Bearer storyline (which I LOVE!), no one can touch him on the microphone or in the ring. But the problem is this: Undertaker isn’t going to lose to CM Punk. There’s nothing in it for either of them. Punk has already cemented his legacy with his 434 day WWE Championship reign. He’s already going down in history alongside Hogan and Sammartino and Backlund. So The Undertaker gets his revenge on Punk for all of the Paul Bearer “disrespect” and CM Punk loses at his third straight PPV to wrestlers that have only had five matches in the last year. PICK: UNDERTAKER

MAYOR: Rock vs. Cena is the mainstream draw, but THIS is the match that's had the best build. Punk's gone straight old-school territory in his attack on Taker, and they've turned Paul Bearer's death into an angle to make even Internet fans ready to string up Punk. With that build, there's only one way for this match to go. Taker's got to win. Sorry, Internet Wrestling Community! Punk should also get some well-deserved time off to rest his body after this. PICK: UNDERTAKER



HUNTER: I love this story. There are times when wrestling is smart. The political climate in this country is extremely divisive. There are a lot of wrestling fans that hold the same political stance as Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter. It’s amazing what a little break will do. When the WWE wants to “rebrand”a wrestler, all they ever have to do is give them time off to grow a beard.BOOM! Instantly a better character. Zeb’s promo work has been amazing and eventually this story will pay off in The REAL American getting the title from ADR, but not tonight. PICK: ALBERTO DEL RIO

MAYOR: Real life politics enter the WWE ring. Mexicans!Illegal immigrants! Tea party! Dutch Mantell cutting awesome promos... and hopefully taking a big bump at some point. I can't see them giving the belt to Swagger after his dalliance with Puff the Magic Dragon. But I don't see Del Rio leaving the Big Apple area with the belt. Dolph Ziggler, COME ON DOWN!

PICK: ALBERTO DEL RIO, but loses to Dolph Ziggler when he cashes in MITB.



HUNTER: Once in a lifetime!....Again! Last year, The Rock SHOULD HAVE lost to John, but I understand why that didn’t happen. They wanted to do the whole match again a year later. And this time, they’ve put a belt into the mix. So let’s go through the same arguments I had last year. There’s absolutely no good reason to leave the belt on a wrestler that simply will not wrestle on TV or at house shows. Sure, it’s been neat to see him come back, but at the end of the day, it gives the entire fan base the finger because their champion is too good to perform in front of them. The company builds to Wrestlemania each year. The Rock has gotten you your buy rates, Vince. It’s time to now think about the company for the rest of the year. That means that Rock drops the strap to John. (Also, a common thought is that you’ll see Mr. Cena turn to the darkside on this chilly evening in New Jersey. I don’t see it happening. It just isn’t plausible to have your three biggest draws [Cena, Randy {for some reason he’s a draw} and CM Punk] all be heels at the same time.) PICK: JOHN CENA

MAYOR: This is the culmination of a three-year story between the two that began at WrestleMania two years ago when Rock cost Cena against The Miz. Rock then defeated Cena last year. So, this is when Cena gets his win back, and the story ends with Rock raising Cena's arm and passing the torch.

Or does it? The build to this match, as one resident of Parts Unknown noted, has been quite similar to WrestleMania 17 when Steve Austin faced the Rock. We all know how that ended, with Austin turning heel,allying himself with Vince McMahon and essentially signaling the end of the Attitude Era.

Imagine if, during the match, The Shield came out and assaulted The Rock? Then their newest member, Cena, scored the win to regain the belt.

I think that'd be a great moment. The question is, is WWE bold enough to pull the trigger and turn their most popular star into their biggest bad guy?

I hope so. Wrestling needs something to shake up the status quo.

PICK: JOHN CENA (hopefully by a heel turn, but probably not)

Posted in: Sports