We’re late!! And not the “Oh crap. Go pee on a stick and wait for some colored lines!” kinda late either. The IMPORTANT KIND (ok…that’s not true. Considering my current relationship and financial statuses, the aforementioned late would be VERY IMPORTANT [and panic inducing]). The picks are coming to you on a Saturday rather than a Thursday before the weekly NFL Network game (a game that saw the rug finally get pulled out from under the Arizona Cardinals by the bipolar Rams), but there’s a whole slew of good reasons by our picks are late (there’s actually only a couple of reasons [I really just wanted to use the world “slew”]). For me, rehearsals have begun for Julius Caesar (I’m playing Caesar). Chris was in Kazakhstan (no…seriously). The Mayor of Parts Unknown was attending a board meeting in his fair city…with actual boards (2x4 style a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan). No points will be awarded for the missed selections on Thursday, but the rest of the games are fair…um…game.
And at this point, it can go in any of five directions. Only eight points separate all of the participants after Chris dropped a dime on everybody in week four. Mayor still occupies first place for the second week in a row with 38 points. Stephe is right behind him with 35.5 points. Bruce and I are continuing the bronze battle with a two way tie at 34 points apiece, and Chris is lying in the weeds…ready to pounce (DON’T GO INTO DE LONG GRASS!!!!!!)with 30 points.
SPOTLIGHT GAME: DENVER BRONCOS VS. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
HUNTER: This is gonna hurt. I am a big fan of Peyton Manning’swork (I HATE UT THOUGH). I really want him to be successful. I’d like to see him go out with the QB passing record. If there’s anyone that deserves it…it’s a guy that’s just a student of the game and a great representative for the league. That’s Peyton. But the Broncos just ain’t that good as a team. And if there’s one thing that the Patriots always are (aside from vomit inducing), it’s a TEAM. Admittedly, they aren’t as good of a team as they have been in the past, but they’ll be good enough to win Sunday. Also F%CK Tom Brady. I hope he dies. PICK: PATRIOTS
BRUCE: Our spotlight game of the week was the only one Ididn't have a quick pick for. I guess that means Hunter knows what he's doing.Neither team has looked sharp yet. Neither team is where they want to be.Neither QB is what they once were. We're dealing with a lot of stuff here man.Something tells me this is going to go Denver's way. PICK: BRONCOS
STEPHE: I gotta be consistent. I pick New England to loseevery week. I am nothing if not a man of principles. PICK: BRONCOS
CHRIS: The Patriots have their rough spots, but have alreadybeen forced to engage in the ‘next-man-up’ process they’re so good at andhaven’t really faltered in the process. Wes Welker does his thing. Stevan Ridleyand another previously unheard of back emerge. The bond between Brady andBrandon Lloyd appears to be growing with each week. In short, it’s business asusual in Patriot-land. And whatever you want to say about Denver, it’d be toughto say that. Playing it home for this team, BAU should be enough. Tom Brady vs.Peyton Manning in 2012 goes to Brady. PICK: PATRIOTS
MAYOR: So, I hear tell there's some sort of storylineinvolved with this matchup. Peyton Manning, heading into the place where hecould never win... playing the Tommy Dreamer to Tom Brady's Raven. Except,whereas Brady wears Uggs... Raven had one leg shorter than the other. Thatabout sum it up? All those shenanigans get thrown out the window in the MascotEvaluation System... and I give the Patriots the edge thanks to two bigreasons. Opposable thumbs! Saddle up and ride! PICK: PATRIOTS
REST OF THE PICKS
MIAMI DOLPHINS VS. CINCINNATI BENGALS
HUNTER: DOLPHINS
BRUCE: BENGALS
STEPHE: BENGALS
CHRIS: BENGALS
MAYOR: BENGALS by devouring (Cats love fish. Mmmmm fish)
GREEN BAY PACKERS VS. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
HUNTER: PACKERS
BRUCE: PACKERS
STEPHE: PACKERS
CHRIS: COLTS
MAYOR: COLTS in a runaway
BALTIMORE RAVENS VS. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
HUNTER: RAVENS
BRUCE: RAVENS
STEPHE: RAVENS
CHRIS: RAVENS
MAYOR: RAVENS
CLEVELAND BROWNS VS. NEW YORK GIANTS
HUNTER: GIANTS
BRUCE: GIANTS
STEPHE: GIANTS
CHRIS: GIANTS
MAYOR: GIANTS by fee fi fo
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES VS. PITTSBURGH STEELERS
HUNTER: STEELERS
BRUCE: EAGLES
STEPHE: EAGLES
CHRIS: EAGLES
MAYOR: STEELERS by smelting accident
ATLANTA FALCONS VS. WASHINGTON REDSKINS
HUNTER: FALCONS
BRUCE: FALCONS
STEPHE: FALCONS
CHRIS: REDSKINS
MAYOR: FALCONS by a feather
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS. CAROLINA PANTHERS
HUNTER: PANTHERS
BRUCE: PANTHERS
STEPHE: PANTHERS
CHRIS: PANTHERS
MAYOR: PANTHERS by devouring (Cats love birds, too)
CHICAGO BEARS VS. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
HUNTER: BEARS
BRUCE: Oh the irony. Neither of these teams hired Matt.Morons. That factor being negated, I have to go with sheer footbally stuff.BEARS
STEPHE: BEARS
CHRIS: BEARS
MAYOR: BEARS by mauling (cats DO NOT love bears)
TENNESSEE TITANS VS. MINNESOTA VIKINGS
HUNTER: TITANS
BRUCE: VIKINGS
STEPHE: VIKINGS
CHRIS: TITANS
MAYOR: VIKINGS by berzerkery
BUFFALO BILLS VS. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
HUNTER: 49ERS
BRUCE: 49ERS
STEPHE: 49ERS
CHRIS: BILLS
MAYOR: BILLS by stampede
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
HUNTER: Who knew that the loss of a head coach, defensive coordinator, general manager, and a few defensive starters would turn one team into such a joke? Guess Bounty Gate is going to hurt this Saints team a lot more than people thought. It doesn’t matter how good Drew Brees can throw the ball if the defense can’t stop anyone. CHARGERS
BRUCE: Loath as I am to pick against the Saints, they havelooked awful so far this year. If you reach the quarter pole tied with theBrowns for futility, its clearly not your year. CHARGERS
STEPHE: SAINTS
CHRIS: CHARGERS
MAYOR: SAINTS by divine intervention
HOUSTON TEXANS VS. NEW YORK JETS
HUNTER: TEXANS
BRUCE: TEXANS
STEPHE: TEXANS
CHRIS: TEXANS
MAYOR: TEXANS thanks to opposable thumbs and piloting skills