REJOICE! After a week of even more replacement referee shenanigans(including a rather primetime-y gaffe [the Seahawks are now the first team in history to throw a game winning interception]), the NFL has resigned a contract with the REAL referees!!! And after a tumultuous week two that saw me only garner FOUR points, I’m back in the thick of things again after posting a second place performance of nine points last week. Of course, I’m still a nickel back (NO! Not the terrible terrible awful bad [ALL IN BALLS OUT!!!!!!!!!]) on The Mayor of Parts Unknown with his 29 points. Stephe dropped to second with 26.5. I’ve usurped Bruce on the bronze medal platform with 24.Bruce is one back at 23, and Chris is still very much alive with 20.
It has been a weird set of weeks in the National Football League. Perennial powerhouses like the Packers and Patriots (look at all that alliteration!) are sporting less than impressive records while former league laughingstocks like the Cardinals and Texans are among the only three undefeated teams in the league. Not only that, but my usually AFC centric mind has selected THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS of NFC Spotlight Games. That cannot stand! So after perusing the schedule for week four, I happened upon an interesting matchup.Perhaps not on the field, but rather off of it. The Tennessee Titans (my favorite team) are taking on the Houston Texans (Bruce’s favorite team). Let the insults and side betting BEGIN!!!
SPOTLIGHT GAME:TENNESSEE TITANS VS. HOUSTON TEXANS
HUNTER: Do you guys taste that? That tastes like sour grapes. Everyone in Houston is bitter because Bud Adams picked up his Oilers franchise and moved them to Tennessee (where admittedly…not a lot of oil). After a necessary name change, the Titans traveled to the Super Bowl on the back of the Music City Miracle (or as the play is officially called “Home Run Throwback”). Last week against the Detroit Lions, Tennessee busted out the Home Run Throwback on a punt return. The Titans became the first team in NFL HISTORY to score on six plays of 60 yards or more. They got the job done on offense,defense and special teams. They have showed glimpses of the team that has won70% of the games played against the Texans (including an 8 game winning streakfrom 05-08). Upset alert? Sound the alarm! PICK: TITANS
BRUCE: This is the true rivalry for the Texans. Without the Titans the Texans wouldn't even exist. Houstonians still carry a torch for the Oilers, but they have embraced the Texans' "Bulls on Parade"mentality. This one shouldn't even be close. PICK: TEXANS
STEPHE: PICK: TEXANS
CHRIS: F*ck me? Or no, Mr. Adams. F%CK YOU! And suck on this some while you’re at it. C’mon, gimme some of that Tennessee tonsil love. Jake Locker’s a promising your quarterback, and that’s about where your pros list ends. The cons are nearly innumerable. Your team is vastly outmatched and is gonna get beaten like the sons-of-obnoxious-carpet-baggers they are! PICK:TEXANS
MAYOR: I'm told that this week's featured game pits Hunter's favorite team against Bruce's favorite team. My favorite football team, the Parts Unknown Conquistadors, hung up the shoulder pads long ago. Too many personal fouls, you see. Using the MES system, the Titans would appear to have the size advantage. The Texans, however, have guns. Lots and lots of guns.Advantage Texans. Stan Hansen defeats Andre the Giant by count out! PICK: TEXANS
REST OF THE GAMES
CLEVELAND BROWNS VS.BALTIMORE RAVENS
HUNTER: RAVENS
BRUCE: RAVENS
STEPHE: RAVENS
CHRIS: RAVENS
MAYOR: RAVENS by three Nevermores
CAROLINA PANTHERS VS.ATLANTA FALCONS
HUNTER: FALCONS
BRUCE: FALCONS
STEPHE: FALCONS
CHRIS: FALCONS
MAYOR: FALCONS by clawing
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VS. BUFFALO BILLS
HUNTER: PATRIOTS
BRUCE: PATRIOTS
STEPHE: BILLS
CHRIS: BILLS
MAYOR: PATRIOTS by skirmish line
MINNESOTA VIKINGS VS.DETROIT LIONS
HUNTER: VIKINGS
BRUCE: LIONS
STEPHE: VIKINGS
CHRIS: LIONS
MAYOR: VIKINGS by berzerkery
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
HUNTER: CHIEFS
BRUCE: CHARGERS
STEPHE: CHIEFS
CHRIS: CHARGERS
MAYOR: CHARGERS by frontal assault
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERSVS. NEW YORK JETS
HUNTER: 49ERS
BRUCE: 49ERS
STEPHE: 49ERS
CHRIS: 49ERS
MAYOR: 49ERS by piloting (since the Jets lack opposable thumbs and what not)
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS.ST. LOUIS RAMS
HUNTER: SEAHAWKS
BRUCE: SEAHAWKS
STEPHE: SEAHAWKS
CHRIS: RAMS
MAYOR: RAMS by headbuttery
MIAMI DOLPHINS VS.ARIZONA CARDINALS
HUNTER: CARDINALS
BRUCE: CARDINALS
STEPHE: CARDINALS
CHRIS: DOLPHINS
MAYOR: DOLPHINS by a fin
OAKLAND RAIDERS VS.DENVER BRONCOS
HUNTER: BRONCOS
BRUCE: BRONCOS
STEPHE: BRONCOS
CHRIS: BRONCOS
MAYOR: RAIDERS by pillaging
CINNCINNATI BENGALS VS. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
HUNTER: BENGALS
BRUCE: BENGALS
STEPHE: JAGUARS
CHRIS: BENGALS
MAYOR: BENGALS win a catfight (CATFIIIIIGHT!)
NEW ORLEANS SAINTSVS. GREEN BAY PACKERS
HUNTER: I want to pick the Saints (I mean…they have to win eventually, right?) But after the Packers win on Monday Night….wait…that wasn’t a win? ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?! Oh…yeah. The Packers are gonna win in what should have been the game of the season thus far, but now sports only one win between them. PACKERS
BRUCE: The Saints seem intent on dropping the S this year.The Packers are coming off a nationally televised rape. The game is at Lambeau.The Saints aren't going to fare well. Not at all. PACKERS
STEPHE: PACKERS
CHRIS: PACKERS
MAYOR: SAINTS by holy intervention
WASHINGTON REDSKINSVS. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
HUNTER: Hey! Ya know who’s good? RG3!!! Ya know who isn’t very good? The rest of his team. Regardless, good players find ways to win.REDSKINS
BRUCE: Isn't it time for the Bucs to go back to the orange and white helmets of the 70s? Isn't that the retro thing to do? I'll pick them and hope they listen. BUCCANEERS
STEPHE: BUCCANEERS
CHRIS: REDSKINS
MAYOR: BUCCANEERS by arrrrrmed assault
NEW YORK GIANTS VS.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
HUNTER: GIANTS
BRUCE: GIANTS
STEPHE: GIANTS
CHRIS: GIANTS
MAYOR: GIANTS by squishing
CHICAGO BEARS VS.DALLAS COWBOYS
HUNTER: COWBOYS
BRUCE: BEARS
STEPHE: BEARS
CHRIS: COWBOYS
MAYOR: COWBOYS by two heehaws