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Latest Posts

Gonzogeek's Pigskin Picks: WEEK ONE

It’s here! Oh sweet Delia! It’s here! It’s that day that you’ve waited for all year. A day full of anticipation! You run downstairs in your footie pajamas. Your heart is ready to burst with excitement! Your brain on the brink of exploding from all of the possibilities that lay before you! No, it’s not Christmas, stupid. It’s the opening day of the NFL season! It’s time for all of those nagging off season questions to finally be answered. How will Peyton perform in the Mile High City? How will the Saints fair after Bountygate? Will the Giants repeat as Super Bowl Champions? How many times will I insult Tom Brady? And, probably the most important of questions, why do you own footie pajamas?

Yes the 2012-2013 NFL season is upon us with tonight’s kick off extravaganza between the aforementioned Super Bowl Champion New York Giants and “America’s Team” (I use that term loosely [they ain’t my team]), the Dallas Cowboys. After all of tonight’s hoopla, we are greeted on Sunday with a plethora of footbally goodness, and Monday sees not one BUT TWO Monday Night Football games. What’s the perfect way to mark the beginning of a new season? Why, an inter website competition of course!

This year on Gonzogeek, several of the geeks are putting our prognosticating skills to the test as we attempt to correctly guess the winners of every game in each of the NFL’s 17 week season. And when all is said and done…when the dust has settled and the smoke has cleared on the ruins of our friendships that were…a victor will stand tall! Tall upon the huddled masses! Tall holding…a trophy? A plaque? A gift certificate? I don’t know. We didn’t think that far ahead. But bragging rights will definitely be included (but honestly, one of us lording this over another of the geeks is like saying CSI: Miami is better than CSI: NY when they’re both pieces of Terrell Owens [you see what I did there?]).

SPOTLIGHT GAME: NEW YORK GIANTS VS. DALLAS COWBOYS

HUNTER: They won the Super Bowl seven months ago. They defeated Tom Gaydy and the Overrate-riots. This team, like its quarterback Eli Manning, just finds a way to win. The Cowboys, on the other hand, seem to seek out new and increasingly creative ways to lose. Add to that the lacerated spleen of Jason Witten that makes him a game-time decision? The Giants start this season the way they ended last season. With a W.  Pick: GIANTS

BRUCE: I've lived in Houston for 20 years now.  If there's one thing I've learned in that time its that I hate Dallas.  I don't know why.  I don't remember hating Dallas before I moved to Houston, but I do now.  Houston hates Dallas for reasons that are so primal and primordial that nobody can actually explain why they hate Dallas.  They just do.  The rivalry reached its apex when the newly minted Houston Texans defeated the Dallas Cowboys in their first ever preseason game.  The Texans and their fans lived off of that win for a lot of bleak years.  Did I mention I hate Dallas.  As a Houstonian, I'm required to reiterate that as often as possible.  I hate Dallas.  I believe I've reached my minimum quota for this number of words now. Pick: GIANTS

STEPHE: The Giants are at home and based on last season, Dallas can’t win games that go past 3 quarters. Pick: GIANTS

CHRIS: The New York Football Giants will be awarded their Super Bowl rings before this season-opening contest. Teams usually win in this circumstance. Plus the Giants are as good if not better than the Cowboys at pretty much every position but running back. And they beat their asses in the final regular season game last year when both teams had to win. Pick: GIANTS

MAYOR: Let me just say this Elected Official is honored to join such an esteemed committee. Your old pal The Mayor is bringing his tried-and-true bulletproof Mascot Evaluation System to these proceedings.

So, this week's featured contest pits the Giants against the Cowboys. Everyone that follows wrestling knows a good big man is hard to come by, and since the Giants just won the Super Bowl, they must have better big men than most, right? On the other hand, they're facing the Cowboys. America's Team, supposedly. But, would we call Cowboys American? Hmmm. Swilling whiskey, settling disputes however minor they might be with gunplay and wiping out the buffalo to build a train track? Yep! Sounds pretty American to me! Hulk Hogan defeats Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III! Pick: COWBOYS

REST OF THE PICKS

CHICAGO BEARS VS. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

HUNTER: BEARS

BRUCE: Bears tend to eat puny rookie quarterbacks. BEARS

STEPHE: Chicago is at home and based on last season, Indy can’t win games at all. BEARS

CHRIS: BEARS

MAYOR: Bears over Colts by mauling BEARS

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES VS. CLEVELAND BROWNS

HUNTER: EAGLES

BRUCE: EAGLES

STEPHE: EAGLES

CHRIS: EAGLES

MAYOR:  Eagles over Browns by talon-clawing. EAGLES

ST. LOUIS RAMS VS. DETROIT LIONS

HUNTER: LIONS

BRUCE: LIONS

STEPHE: LIONS

CHRIS: LIONS

MAYOR: Rams over Lions by head-buttery. RAMS

MIAMI DOLPHINS VS. HOUSTON TEXANS

HUNTER: TEXANS

BRUCE: TEXANS

STEPHE: TEXANS

CHRIS: TEXANS

MAYOR: Texans over Dolphins by flame-broiling. TEXANS

ATLANTA FALCONS VS. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

HUNTER: FALCONS

BRUCE: CHIEFS

STEPHE: FALCONS

CHRIS: FALCONS

MAYOR: Falcons over Chiefs by exhaustion of arrows. FALCONS

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS VS. MINNESOTA VIKINGS

HUNTER: VIKINGS

BRUCE: I’m picking Minnesota mainly because the Jags didn’t hire Matt, and I’m wishing them all kinds of bad juju. VIKINGS

STEPHE: I don’t care. They could play to a tie. There. I pick them to play to a tie. TIE

CHRIS: VIKINGS

MAYOR: Vikings over Jaguars by berzerkery. VIKINGS

WASHINGTON REDSKINS VS. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

HUNTER: REDSKINS

BRUCE: SAINTS

STEPHE: REDSKINS

CHRIS: SAINTS

MAYOR: Redskins over Saints by scalping (How culturally sensitive!) REDSKINS

BUFFALO BILLS VS. NEW YORK JETS

HUNTER: JETS

BRUCE: JETS

STEPHE: BILLS

CHRIS: BILLS

MAYOR: Jets over Bills by Mach 3. JETS

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VS. TENNESSEE TITANS

HUNTER: The Titans are my “America’s Team” I will always pick them to win. Ya gotta believe!  TITANS

BRUCE: Houston hates the Titans/Oilers...mostly.  Its a domestic abuse kinda situation. PATRIOTS

STEPHE: I’m picking the Titans, but mostly because I hate the Patriots and will pick against them all season long. I figure to be right about 16 times. Maybe only 6. TITANS

CHRIS: PATRIOTS

MAYOR: Patriots over Titans by shot heard round the world. PATRIOTS

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS. ARIZONA CARDINALS

HUNTER: CARDINALS

BRUCE: CARDINALS

STEPHE: SEAHAWKS

CHRIS: SEAHAWKS

MAYOR: Seahawks over Cardinals by a feather. SEAHAWKS

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS VS. GREEN BAY PACKERS

HUNTER: PACKERS

BRUCE: PACKERS

STEPHE: PACKERS

CHRIS: 49ERS

MAYOR: Packers over 49ers by overtime pay (look it up!) PACKERS

CAROLINA PANTHERS VS. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

HUNTER: PANTHERS

BRUCE: PANTHERS

STEPHE: BUCCANEERS

CHRIS: PANTHERS

MAYOR: Buccaneers over Panthers by plank-walkin’. BUCCANEERS

PITTSBURGH STEELERS VS. DENVER BRONCOS

HUNTER: STEELERS

BRUCE: STEELERS

STEPHE: BRONCOS

CHRIS: STEELERS

MAYOR: Broncos over Steelers by stampede. BRONCOS

CINNCINNATI BENGALS VS. BALTIMORE RAVENS

HUNTER: RAVENS

BRUCE: RAVENS

STEPHE: RAVENS

CHRIS: RAVENS

MAYOR: Bengals over Ravens by devouring. BENGALS

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS. OAKLAND RAIDERS

HUNTER: CHARGERS

BRUCE: Al Davis is still dead…right? CHARGERS

STEPHE: The only winners will be those of us without cable to watch it. RAIDERS

CHRIS: RAIDERS

MAYOR: Raiders over Chargers by pillage. RAIDERS

Posted in: Sports