So I just watched this movie based on a comic book! And unfortunately, it wasn’t The Avengers again. Men in Black 3, the first offering from the MiB series in a decade, was the first film I’ve seen in theaters since the mind-humpingly awesome experience that is Joss Whedon and Marvel’s cash cow. I worry that The Avengers has ruined me. Men in Black 3 is pleasant enough movie (GOD KNOWS it’s better than the second installment in the franchise [Really, Johnny Knoxville? REALLY?!]), but everything has a kind of bland taste in my mouth now. The story picks up ten years down the line when the girl from the Pussycat Dolls breaks the guy from Flight of the Concords out of space prison. That’s right. I typed that sentence. That sentence is real now. It’s real and it’s in a f#%@ing movie! While Jemaine Clement’s bandmate, Bret McKenzie, was winning an Oscar (Best Original Song for his truly inspired “Man or Muppet”), Jemaine was apparently spending all of his free time watching old Tim Curry footage. His performance as the film’s villain, Boris the Animal, was akin to a space caveman having sex with Dr. Frank N. Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show (Maybe Boris's home planet is Transexual in the Transylvanian galaxy?). I was never really truly scared of Boris. I found myself missing Lara Flynn Boyle from MiB II. Then, I found myself punching myself in the groin. Involuntarily, my body rejected the idea of missing Men in Black 2. BUT I DIGRESS!! Back on Earth, Agent K is surly, and Agent J is funny. We find out that Agent Zed has passed away from an undisclosed reason (My guess is failed contract negotiations). This has opened the door for Agent O (Emma Thompson) to magically appear. This is the first time we've seen her character in the 15 year old franchise, but she has APPARENTLY been with the Men in Black organization since the 1960’s. Agent O is put in charge of the clandestine organization, even though it appears that in the 60’s she was nothing more than a secretary. Surely there had to be another Agent that was more qualified to run this entire organization. I don’t know…how about the surly Agent K since he, ya know, HELPED FOUND THE AGENCY IN THE FIRST FILM! There are so many things in this film that don’t make any sense, and I haven’t even gotten to the time travel part!!! Time travel never makes sense. Ever. EVER. So time travel happens, and Agent Surly is gone. Everyone knows he’s dead, but for some reason, Agent Funny doesn’t. Agent Funny is the only person that remembers him. Because of this, Agent Funny has to go back to the 1960’s to stop Neanderthal Tim Curry from killing Younger Agent Surly. Ok! Now that we’ve made it to 1969, allow me to tell you the best part of the film. Josh Brolin’s portrayal of a younger version of Tommy Lee Jones’s Agent K is amazing. His delivery. His expressions (or lack thereof). His movements. Even his interaction with Will Smith’s Agent J…they are all exactly the same as Tommy Lee Jones.It's extremely impressive, and slightly frightening. I think Josh Brolin's Doc Block character from Planet Terror has eaten Tommy Lee Jones's brain...and gained his knowledge.
The thing about Men In Black 3 is this: I didn’t hate it. I rather enjoyed the movie. It just didn’t make any sense!! It's too bad that Barry Sonnenfeld couldn't use some of that nonsensical time travel to fix some of the very evident plot holes. Then again, it’s a movie about aliens and time travel starring The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Expectations should be thoroughly lowered before going into the theater (as if Men In Black II didn’t lower them enough already). So what does it all mean? If you’re a fan of the franchise, feel free to go watch the third Men in Black film. Do not, however, fork out the extra money to see it in 3D. Also, make sure to see it as a matinee. Had I paid the full $352 or whatever it costs to see a 3D movie after 6 PM, I would have been extremely upset. I give Men in Black III a very fitting three out of five stars