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Latest Posts

Rey Swanko's Lucha Lounge - Advices for Adviceless 6-17-15

Hola ‘Migos,

I am finally recovers from the Cinco de Mayo.  This is an important day in the historys of the Mexico peoples.  We beats the French!  Which used to be hards to do befores they learned to surrender.  Ahora, you peoples celibates our holyday like you celibates the Snake Patricks Day.  Puts an ‘O’ on your name, gets drunk, and sleep in the gutters.  I think mebee I will playtends to be you on your Force of July.  Calls me ‘Ray Swankerson’.  I am from Ioway.  I am the one who is thrown up in su mailbox.

To the advices!

Hey Rey!  Ever sent a dick-pic to a special lady friend?  - Brett from Green Bay

As much as I likes my little ‘migo, I do not wish to shares him willy-wiener with the world. As I justs now started to say, 'The good side of a penis is inside a womans'.  Mi 'migo, e can be most guapo, si, but in truths, the manparts, they are looking like the worm at the bottom of mescal.  Do you thinks so less of the womens that you send them the pictures of a dead worm with that weepy, squinty eye looking at thems from the celophone?  No.  This is not a good thing to send to the womens.  Sends them pictures of somethings pretty.  Like other naked womens.

Whoa…Rey, ever consider being on ‘Dancing With the Stars’?  Warren from Tampa

 I do not knows if I am flatterered or to be insulted.  This is a show for the kind of famous peoples who are not so much famous anymores.  I am not so little knowns that I should be on this kinds of a show.  Yes, I like to dance…the dance of the sexes.  This is a dance I would love to shares with the world.  And Carrie Bonobo.  And Julie Anne Huffs.  And many, many, mucho many womens.  But I think mebee this is too much a sexy dance for the television. 

Cable howevers….

Rey.  My girlfriend gets mad at me when I hang out with my friends instead of doing something girly with her.  I love her and all, but sometimes I just gotta hang with my boys.  How do I explain this to her without her cutting me off?  Rob from New England

Ah…this is very much a problem of the times.  The women’s do not understands that mens has to be mens.  It is not that they do not likes they womens.  They do not likes to spend times with they womens. 

To explains to the womens, use ‘Rey Swanko’s Iroc of Zees’.  It is very much like the ‘Pavlov’s Iroc of Zees’ they teaches in the schools.  Mebee you remembers this?  They are the needs of livings.  Peoples start with the suffs of life, like the foods and the clothings, and ends with the selfies.  This is something they still teaches, no? 

My ‘Iroc of Zees’ is very much like this ‘Pavlov’s Iroc’.  Excepting it is about the mens.  I will share this to you for you to explains to the womens how the mens think. 

1.      Mens want to be with they’s ‘Migos.  - Yes, all the times.  We are, how you say, a blast.

2.      Mens want to watch the sports.  - All the times.  Mostly with other mens.

3.      Mens want food y booze to share with they’s ‘migos when they makes cheers to they favorite sporting team  - In a world of perfections, men would spend all they times watching sports with they’s ‘Migos, drinking the beers and eating the nachos.

4.      Mens talk about the women’s they want to make the sex to.  - Nothing is more better than nachos, sports, and good ‘migos.  Excepting mebee la calientas who are bringings the nachos.  Meee-ouches.

5.       Mens think about the womens they are making the sex to alreadys.  - See’s all is not losing.  Men’s still thinks about you, but only after the closings time.

There, ‘migomio, use the ‘Iroc of Zees’ to explains to womens the workings of the world.  If they leaves…meh.  This is the why of having friends to chase calientas with when you are watching the sports over eating the tacos.

Hey Rey!  Do you kiss and tell? – Wilt from Kansas

I kiss.  They tells.

 

Well, next months the Gonzogeeks are takings me to the ComicyCon, so look for me to be giving advices to those peoples…because they will needs it.

Adios, ‘Migos!

Posted in: Lifestyle