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Latest Posts

Rey Swanko: Ask a Swankador 4/5/15

Hola ‘Migos!


Welcoming me back from a long times away giving the advices in the Japans.  Many times I have been to the Japans, but only onces as the Swankador.  It was most interestings.  Did you knows you can orders the prostitutions in six packs?  Did you knows they sells girlfriends in vendinging machines?  Did you knows they have a hundreds word for ‘fetish’?  Now you do’s.


But for as much as things can changed when you are aways, you ‘migo-mios, do nots.  You still needs the advices of the Swankadore.  


And I am backs to give it to you.  


And the advices, tambien.



Hey Rey!  March Madness baby!  My girlfriend hates this time of year and is always bugging me to turn off the TV and, you know, be romantic. How do I explain to my girlfriend that I gotta watch my brackets?  - John


Juan,  I am afraids I am agreeing with your girlfriend, and I thinks mebbe you are the gaysexual for wanting to watch the mens instead of making the sex.  Mebbe basketyball is what makes the gaysexuals, no?  I tells you what I will do to helped you.  Have your girlfriend calls me next March.  I will takes my rock to her hole for you.


Rey, one of my, um,  ‘coworkers’ had to miss a bunch of time because of a ‘penile fracture’.  Is that a real thing? - Paul


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!


Oh.  You are beings serious.  


I have heard of this befores, Pablo, so yes, a penile fractures is a real things.  Mens can fractured they’s little ‘migo, excerpting that it is not really the kinds of bone you can break...hahaha.


Perhaps this ‘migo’ spends too many times ‘pegando el mono’, you know, punch the monkey.  You ‘punches’ and it bends, and it pops like the knuckles.  Excepting, you can still pee when you pops the knuckles.  


Or mebbe, your ‘migo’, he likes the gordas.  If, like the Japans, that is whats you like, then you must climb the mountain.  Do not lets the Muhamed climb you.  The little Luchador can only handles too much weights.   This is why I have a signs in my bedroom:


‘If you’re this wide, you cannot ride’.


The gordas appreciates this.  It is the Thoughful of Ness that counts.


Hey Rey!  What is your takeway on the whole Freedom of Religion act in Indiana?  - George


Jorge, when I gets back from the Japans, the fat Gonzogeek, he makes the fun of me.  When I call him a pendickhole, he tells me he is from the Indianas, and can do as he pleases because his a believer in ‘Bracketology’.  I think mebbe that is not a real religions.  


When I looks up this law, I finds that it is only the rules in the Indianas, not for all the peoples from the Indianas.  I also think it is not the law for the peoples, just the peoples the peoples work for.  


I also sees the little estupida sayings she will sells ‘A PIZZA’ to a gaysexual, but not ‘A LOT OF PIZZA’  to a gaysexual wedding.  I think she will needs all the moneys the interwebs is giving to her to go to Oz and buys a brain.


My takeaway....don’t makes estupido laws.


Hey Rey!  My husband’s 50th birthday is coming up and I want to do something sexy for him.  Any suggestions?  - Ringo


Si, Esperanza, I do.  


Do. Him.  


That is all the sexy you will needs.



And with thats, I am all out of the advices.   Until next times, ‘Migos.  


Adios.
Posted in: Lifestyle