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Latest Posts

 Ask a Luchador with Rey Swanko: 1/24/14

Hola ‘Migos!

…and Hola 2014!

I do not normally makes the revolutions, but this year, I makes the exception.

I revolve to hates the Gonzogeeks a little less.   Excepting the fat one.  I revolve that mebee I hates him even more.  Mebee I just revolve to move my hates from the others to hims. 

But that is enoughs with the negativities.  On to the advices!

Yo, Rey!  What’s up with everyone hating on tats in the workplace?  It’s like some kind of discrimination, yo!’ – Big Papas Fritas

Hmm…learn to talks the right English, yo for the starts, and then mebee they won’t looks at your tattoos.  Oh, I see that you has sents me a pitcher.  You are, how they say, an estipudufos.  I think meebee su problemos go beyonds your tattoos.   

Not all the peoples are going to be your ‘migos, okay?  Likes the book of the Jesus say ‘Judge others or be cast into the moat.’  See, it is okay to hates the peoples for beings different.  Even God says so.

Mebee you could understands it like this: when you gives the bag of foods to the bitty blue-hairs at the Mac’s Donald, mebee they don’t believes that you are the ‘Wang Wizard’ that you advertises on your neck.

My advices…wear a scarf.

Hey, Rey.  One of my co-workers wears really short skirts and likes to sit on the edge of her desk.  Whenever I’m in the room with her, I’m worried about maybe seeing more than I should (if you know what I mean).  Should I go to HR?  - Dwight

Only if HR is a gaysexual like you. 

It is a badly kept secret that womens in the worker-places don’t wears the panties with the pantyhoses.  You should learn to keeps your eyes opens and your mouthes shut.  If you gets treated to a show, enjoys it, there is nothing wrongs with a little beave-fest on the company time.  Remember…always give a bird’s cootch two looks in the bush…you knows…so to speaks.

This makes me remember another letter I has gotten a long times ago.  A young Swank-abee, writed to me that some of the womens in his worker-place did not wear the panties with their dresses.  Do you knows what he dids?  He made the sex to them!  A menagerie of trees!  Then he writed to me for the BRAGGINGS, not for the CRYINGS TO HR!

I think mebee you should go on the intewebs and sees if you can buy some testiculars! 

Hey.  What’s with all these celebrities putting their foot in their mouths?  Don’t they know they’re role models?  - Marty B..

You know, some peoples just don’t know how to behaves in publics, (as opposed to behavings with the pubics – see last letter, HA!).   You turns on your news and mebee you see Alex Leftwing is calling the papa-ratons gaysexuals and chupagallos.   Or mebee you watch the Dysentery of the Duckies and see’s the ZZ Tops man says the black peoples want to make the sex with the animals.  

Estupidufos peoples will do estupidufos things. (Like necks tattoos.)

And you can gets in the troubles for it. 

Your American Consumation does not says ‘you have the freedom of the speeches….so there’.   Speaks up and gets shouted down.  I think mebee that is why they should stay to the words somebody has writed for them and not the one’s they think up on their owns.  

These are peoples paid to make the fun for you.  Like the monkey that grinds his organ.  Mebee you should not let thems tell you how to live your lifes.

Hey, Rey.  How should I live my life? - JC

Lives your life like there is no tomorrow…but if there is, have an escape goat ready for the blames.

 

And so another month of the advices comes to the ends.  But is this the ends of Rey?  Comes back next months to finds out!  Sames Rey-time!  Sames Rey-website!

Adios ‘Migos!

 

PS:  This months, take a break from your New Year revolutions with La Toronha

Ingredients:

  • 2 oz Tequila blanca
  • 2 oz grapefruit juice
  • 1 tbsp grenadine
  • 1/2 oz triple sec
  • 3/4 cup of ice

Preparation:

  1. Put everythings into a blender.
  2. Mash your favorite blender button (mine is ‘Froth’).
  3. Strain into the cold glass and enjoys!
Posted in: Lifestyle